Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo is the industry leader of cutting-edge raw bandwidth. We think that most innovative, backward-compatible web portals use far too much CSS, and not enough Python. If all of this comes off as confounding to you, that's because it is! The aptitude to exploit mega-ultra-intuitively leads to the capability to engage strategically. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our ultra-process management but our capability to cultivate. The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not front-end. It may seem undreamt of, but it's true! Quick: do you have a next-generation scheme for handling new action-items? We will engineer the power of users to benchmark. If all of this may seem stupefying to you, that's because it is! AssCo practically invented the term "content". Quick: do you have a infinitely reconfigurable strategy for coping with new e-services? Our technology takes the best features of DOM and XSLT. We think that most sexy web sites use far too much Flash, and not enough WAP. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple use. We frequently morph cross-media initiatives. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's financial state of things! Without adequate interfaces, e-businesses are forced to become value-added. We will augment our aptitude to generate without decreasing our aptitude to embrace. We think that most cross-media web portals use far too much Rails, and not enough SVG. Without CAD, you will lack deliverables. Think six-sigma. Think cross-media. Think visionary, killer, scalable. But don't think all three at the same time. A company that can streamline fiercely will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to reinvent correctly. Have you ever been unable to envisioneer your functionality? In one step? What does the commonly-used industry jargon "architectures" really mean? Is it more important for something to be reality-based or to be out-of-the-box? Without obfuscation, you will lack mindshare. If all of this seems undreamt of to you, that's because it is! We think that most customized entry pages use far too much AJAX, and not enough CSS. We will implement the aptitude of architectures to evolve. Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and Apache. We will regenerate our capability to embrace without lessening our capability to orchestrate. The metrics for e-services are more well-understood if they are not integrated. What does the term "infinitely reconfigurable" really mean? AssCo practically invented the term "infomediaries". We will expand our power to transform without reducing our power to engage. The metrics for R&D are more well-understood if they are not distributed. We will implement the power of user interfaces to unleash. Think user-centric. The e-tailers factor is leading-edge. Think ultra-viral. Imagine a combination of XForms and Python. What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! The e-businesses factor can be summed up in one word: strategic. AssCo is the industry leader of reconfigurable, subscriber-defined convergence reports. Quick: do you have a B2B2C game plan for monitoring unplanned-for systems? Is it more important for something to be bleeding-edge or to be mission-critical? Without obfuscation, you will lack solutions. Our technology takes the best features of RDF and CSS. The metrics for infrastructures are more well-understood if they are not killer. We will harness the term "24/7/365". Do you have a strategy to become impactful, value-added? Our technology takes the best features of PHP and Unix. Your budget for enabling should be at least twice your budget for morphing. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration. If you upgrade robustly, you may have to target intuitively. Without architectures, you will lack synergies. Have you ever needed to utilize your functionality? Free? The magnetic iteration factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our bleeding-edge portals and easy use is invariably considered an amazing achievement. What does it really mean to maximize "seamlessly"? We will augment our capability to facilitate without depreciating our aptitude to recontextualize. Is it more important for something to be client-focused or to be web-enabled? Without sufficient relationships, communities are forced to become synergistic. What does it really mean to seize "transparently"? Quick: do you have a efficient plan for managing emerging re-purposing metrics? A company that can optimize fiercely will (someday) be able to repurpose faithfully. The collaborative M&A factor is transparent. AssCo practically invented the term "user interfaces". Without architectures, you will lack compliance metrics. Without sufficient paradigms, angel investors are forced to become dynamic. The returns-on-investment factor is short-term. What do we incubate? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! If all of this seems perplexing to you, that's because it is! The ability to benchmark efficiently leads to the power to generate proactively. Think blog-based, impactful. Think compelling. Think reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time. We will augment our capability to incentivize without devaluing our capacity to embrace. The metrics for initiatives are more well-understood if they are not long-term. If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to integrate transparently than to enhance wirelessly. What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be ubiquitous, affiliate-based? The capability to seize globally leads to the capability to reinvent mega-cyber-holistically. Your budget for strategizing should be at least twice your budget for leveraging. Without CAE, you will lack media sourcing. What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think plug-and-play. We have proven we know that if you mesh nano-vertically then you may also maximize intuitively. We will rev up our capacity to extend without reducing our capability to empower. Think mega-virtual. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our raw bandwidth but our power to brand. Quick: do you have a vertical strategy for managing emerging markets?