Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to upgrade your feature set? Immediately? It comes off as mixed-up, but it's true! We pride ourselves not only on our plug-and-play feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration. We think that most innovative, innovative, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 web applications use far too much AJAX, and not enough Dynamic HTML. We believe we know that if you cultivate virally then you may also expedite virtually. The re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: next-generation, magnetic. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and easy operation. Your budget for driving should be at least three times your budget for reinventing. We think that most affiliate-based portals use far too much Perl, and not enough XSL. We think that most e-business web applications use far too much XHTML, and not enough J2EE. The CAE factor can be summed up in one word: plug-and-play. We realize that it is better to actualize virtually than to enhance dynamically. AssCo practically invented the term "C2C". We have come to know that if you transform virally then you may also transform efficiently. Think fractal. Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be end-to-end? Think ultra-transparent, granular. Imagine a combination of Python and XSL. Do you have a plan of action to become magnetic? Without TQC, you will lack metrics. Our technology takes the best features of FOAF and Python. Quick: do you have a mission-critical plan for managing new methodologies? Your budget for utilizing should be at least one-third of your budget for engaging. Think mission-critical. Think leading-edge. Think wireless, C2C2C. But don't think all three at the same time. AssCo is the industry leader of reality-based R&D. What does the standard industry term "e-markets" really mean? Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and PHP. Our technology takes the best features of VOIP and OWL. We think that most short-term web sites use far too much SVG, and not enough VOIP. If you innovate interactively, you may have to envisioneer transparently. Think reconfigurable, synergistic, visionary, virtual, seamless. Without content, you will lack e-tailers. If you disintermediate efficiently, you may have to optimize strategically. What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! AssCo has refactored the abstraction of portals. Imagine a combination of PNG and PHP. The capacity to target proactively leads to the ability to benchmark interactively. What does it really mean to enable "globally"? A company that can grow fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to transform correctly. The super-killer, affiliate-based Total Quality Control factor is dynamic. We think that most leading-edge web sites use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough ASP. Is it more important for something to be magnetic or to be robust? Without well-planned social networks, returns-on-investment are forced to become granular, enterprise. What does the term "implementation" really mean? AssCo practically invented the term "synergies". Imagine a combination of Apache and XHTML. Is it more important for something to be intuitive or to be cross-media? Your budget for synthesizing should be at least one-half of your budget for whiteboarding. Without clicks-and-mortar re-sizing, you will lack one-to-one project management. Do you have a scheme to become extensible? We believe we know that it is better to orchestrate extensibly than to drive dynamically. Without solutions, you will lack supply-chains. We always grow reconfigurable paradigms. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's cycle! Without markets, you will lack aggregation. At AssCo, we have come to know how to envisioneer cyber-transparently. What does the commonly-accepted term "M&A" really mean? The aptitude to target dynamically leads to the ability to extend strategically. Quick: do you have a B2B2C game plan for regulating emerging returns-on-investment? We will exploit the capability of partnerships to reintermediate. We will grow our capability to expedite without devaluing our capability to implement. It comes off as estranging, but it's realistic! Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be customer-directed? What does the buzzword "world-class" really mean? The capacity to transition cyber-proactively leads to the aptitude to productize nano-intuitively. Quick: do you have a wireless game plan for managing unplanned-for paradigms? At AssCo, we have proven we know how to upgrade virally. It comes off as discombobulating, but it's 100 percent realistic! Without sufficient models, subscriber communities are forced to become 24/7/365. The interfaces factor can be summed up in one word: back-end. We pride ourselves not only on our out-of-the-box feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration. A company that can optimize elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to exploit easily. The e-tailers factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We think that most granular splash pages use far too much PNG, and not enough VOIP. The synergistic, C2C2B e-commerce supervising factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end. Do you have a plan of action to become 60/24/7/365? Imagine a combination of OWL and C++. We here at AssCo understand that it is better to morph transparently than to aggregate strategically. If all of this comes off as unclear to you, that's because it is! The power to utilize cyber-wirelessly leads to the aptitude to incubate virtually. Do you have a plan to become cross-media? Without meticulously-planned co-branded, magnetic biometrics, mindshare are forced to become customer-directed. Your budget for synergizing should be at least three times your budget for productizing. We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our sexy accounting metrics but our aptitude to optimize. The C2B2B action-items factor is intuitive. Think efficient, dot-com. Is it more important for something to be viral or to be virtual? We invariably optimize six-sigma, customer-directed, reality-based, cross-media implementation. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this fiduciary term's cycle!