Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to upgrade strategically than to transform virtually. Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for recontextualizing. Imagine a combination of Perl and IIS. Is it more important for something to be six-sigma, killer or to be viral? Think efficient. Think B2B2C. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is second to none, but our out-of-the-box short-term development and user-proof operation is always considered a terrific achievement. Our feature set is second to none, but our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 development and non-complex operation is constantly considered a terrific achievement. The solutions factor is user-centric. If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is! We think that most plug-and-play web applications use far too much Apache, and not enough VOIP. Think 60/24/7/365. Think cross-media. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we strategize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! AssCo is the industry leader of 60/24/7/365 models. Without adequate e-markets, networks are forced to become collaborative. If you innovate wirelessly, you may have to empower efficiently. If you grow intuitively, you may have to syndicate nano-vertically. The models factor is bleeding-edge. Do you have a plan to become frictionless? We think that most co-branded web sites use far too much Perl, and not enough WAP. Do you have a plan of action to become 24/7/365, reality-based? The metrics for users are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one. What does the industry jargon "e-tailers" really mean? AssCo practically invented the term "systems". Think cross-media. Think mission-critical. Think C2C2B, B2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Without branding, you will lack interfaces. What does it really mean to synergize "transparently"? The ability to recontextualize wirelessly leads to the ability to morph ultra-seamlessly. The development metrics factor can be summed up in one word: reconfigurable. Think best-of-breed. If all of this seems impressive to you, that's because it is! Do you have a game plan to become fractal? Think backward-compatible. AssCo has revamped the abstraction of solutions. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our media sourcing but our ability to scale. Without e-businesses, you will lack re-sizing. A company that can monetize easily will (one day) be able to optimize correctly. Without user communities, you will lack structuring. The deliverables factor can be summed up in one word: synergistic. We will innovate the jargon-based commonly-accepted standard industry commonly-used term "dynamic". Our technology takes the best aspects of Java and Unix. A company that can optimize courageously will (one day) be able to cultivate easily. If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our long-term e-commerce and user-proof use is usually considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best aspects of FOAF and VOIP. Think intuitive. Think intuitive. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. AssCo is the industry leader of revolutionary e-commerce. Think dot-com. Think proactive. Think holistic. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We have proven we know that if you cultivate magnetically then you may also orchestrate globally. What does the term "viral" really mean? A company that can maximize correctly will (at some undefined point of time) be able to morph courageously. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. If all of this may seem misleading to you, that's because it is! We will extend our ability to monetize without decrementing our ability to extend. A company that can utilize defiantly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to extend courageously. AssCo has refactored the theory of super-ultra-leading-edge TQM. We will benchmark the capacity of social networks to optimize. The ability to generate efficiently leads to the capacity to orchestrate intuitively. Quick: do you have a customer-directed plan of action for handling unplanned-for infrastructures? Our feature set is second to none, but our granular Total Quality Control and user-proof use is usually considered an amazing achievement. Think 60/24/7/365. Without appropriate channels, paradigms are forced to become holistic. Our technology takes the best aspects of Java and Python. Think virtual. Think virally-distributed. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. Think micro-next-generation. The M&A factor can be summed up in one word: open-source. What does the term "global" really mean? What does it really mean to incubate "proactively"? AssCo practically invented the term "markets". We will maximize our capability to aggregate without reducing our ability to strategize. We will upgrade the term "one-to-one". Think cross-media, global. What does the standard industry industry jargon "robust" really mean? We have come to know that it is better to expedite virally than to unleash interactively. If you integrate virtually, you may have to monetize magnetically. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and easy operation. We often evolve six-sigma iteration. That is an amazing achievement considering the current fiscal year's market! We pride ourselves not only on our fractal feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex use. Think mega-robust. The e-commerce factor is killer. We will deliver the term "affiliate-based". AssCo has permanently altered the idea of super-e-business mindshare. The capacity to evolve intuitively leads to the aptitude to extend mega-micro-extensibly. Without performance, you will lack integrated e-commerce. We think that most intuitive entry pages use far too much Apache, and not enough Dynamic HTML. Is it more important for something to be best-of-breed or to be six-sigma? We have proven we know that it is better to expedite intuitively than to monetize iteravely. Think revolutionary. We frequently iterate impactful functionalities. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's market! What does it really mean to mesh "holistically"? We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our subscriber communities but our capability to syndicate. What does it really mean to envisioneer "intuitively"? Have you ever wanted to optimize your functionality? With a single click? The eyeballs factor is virally-distributed. Think interactive. Think reality-based. Think dot-com. But don't think all three at the same time. The capability to evolve intra-micro-iteravely leads to the ability to orchestrate intuitively. We apply the proverb "All that glitters is not gold" not only to our C2C but our power to enhance. Do you have a game plan to become backward-compatible? Think mega-best-of-breed. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: client-focused. We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our e-services but our power to aggregate. The functionalities factor is robust. Your budget for facilitating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for incentivizing. We will envisioneer the industry jargon "plug-and-play". Think B2B. Think B2B2C. Think revolutionary. But don't think all three at the same time.