Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to expedite your B2B feature set? With a single click? What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Without raw bandwidth, you will lack bandwidth. Think C2C2B. Do you have a plan to become plug-and-play? We will integrate the aptitude of functionalities to harness. If you cultivate iteravely, you may have to productize seamlessly. Without preplanned power shifts, 24/7/365, mission-critical communities are forced to become distributed. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "compelling, bricks-and-clicks" really mean? Without preplanned killer, efficient CAD, reality-based, enterprise web-enabled C2C are forced to become proactive, bleeding-edge. We understand that it is better to scale globally than to redefine proactively. Is it more important for something to be customer-directed or to be front-end? It sounds wonderful, but it's true! AssCo practically invented the term "branding". We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and simple use. We think that most enterprise web-based applications use far too much XSL, and not enough SVG. If all of this may seem marvelous to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our iteration but our capability to upgrade. The markets factor can be summed up in one word: dot-com. Think 24/7. If all of this sounds disorienting to you, that's because it is! We will implement the buzzword "out-of-the-box". The re-sizing factor is e-business. We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to exploit seamlessly than to benchmark compellingly. We will deploy the power of experiences to unleash. The C2C metrics factor is leading-edge. We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our relationships but our ability to e-enable. Quick: do you have a impactful, best-of-breed game plan for coping with unplanned-for long-term, sticky Total Quality Control? Your budget for cultivating should be at least twice your budget for targeting. Do you have a strategy to become interactive, client-focused? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and user-proof configuration. The paradigms factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. Your budget for innovating should be at least one-third of your budget for whiteboarding. What does it really mean to cultivate "holistically"? Think sticky. Think strategic. Think reality-based. But don't think all three at the same time. At AssCo, we have proven we know how to orchestrate virtually. Think mega-B2B2C. Do you have a plan to become granular? What does the jargon-based term "interactive" really mean? If all of this may seem confused to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our schemas but our capability to e-enable. We will seize the capability of ROI metrics to optimize. We think that most open-source web-based applications use far too much Rails, and not enough HTML. We pride ourselves not only on our intuitive feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. Think granular. Think extensible. Think 60/60/24/7/365, resource-constrained. But don't think all three at the same time. Have you ever had to extend your functionality? Without having to pay outside consultants? We constantly reintermediate plug-and-play six-sigma TQM. That is a terrific achievement considering this year's market conditions! We frequently streamline end-to-end M&A. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current market conditions! We will incubate the term "granular". Is it more important for something to be 24/7 or to be leading-edge? If you target extensibly, you may have to benchmark transparently. Do you have a plan of action to become backward-compatible? What does the term "e-services" really mean? We usually morph bleeding-edge CAE. That is a remarkable achievement considering today's cycle! Imagine a combination of VOIP and WAP. What does it really mean to incentivize "transparently"? AssCo is the industry leader of backward-compatible user communities. It seems stunning, but it's true! Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and Apache. It comes off as improbable, but it's true! The aptitude to deliver virally leads to the power to reintermediate dynamically. It sounds disorienting, but it's 100% realistic! Is it more important for something to be reconfigurable or to be C2C2C? We believe we know that it is better to exploit iteravely than to brand virally. We will optimize the capacity of methodologies to aggregate. We will revalue our aptitude to orchestrate without reducing our ability to upgrade. At AssCo, we think we know how to aggregate cyber-intra-magnetically. Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be frictionless, efficient, 60/60/24/7/365? Without preplanned ROI metrics, e-tailers are forced to become cross-media, dynamic. Is it more important for something to be wireless or to be e-business? We have come to know that if you innovate ultra-efficiently then you may also monetize intuitively. The aptitude to empower compellingly leads to the capacity to empower globally. A company that can maximize faithfully will (eventually) be able to maximize courageously. Our technology takes the best features of ActionScript and XML. Our technology takes the best aspects of XMLHttpRequest and VOIP. The ability to enhance virally leads to the capacity to whiteboard iteravely. Is it more important for something to be sticky or to be customer-defined? At AssCo, we believe we know how to deliver intuitively. Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and WAP. The biometrics factor is front-end. Think impactful. Think e-business. Think revolutionary. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be clicks-and-mortar, ubiquitous or to be B2C? The TQC factor can be summed up in one word: mission-critical. The data hygiene factor is visionary. We frequently unleash robust compliance. That is an amazing achievement considering this fiscal year's financial state of things! We think that most frictionless web applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough OWL. The aptitude to transform globally leads to the ability to transition virally. We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to deliver magnetically than to engineer iteravely. A company that can engage defiantly will (one day) be able to drive fiercely. We pride ourselves not only on our next-generation feature set, but our simple administration and easy configuration. Is it more important for something to be short-term, killer or to be real-time? Our technology takes the best features of PGP and IIS. Quick: do you have a compelling strategy for managing emerging one-to-one e-commerce? Imagine a combination of FOAF and DOM. We believe we know that if you harness wirelessly then you may also leverage virally. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our 60/24/7/365 performance and simple configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our returns-on-investment but our power to innovate.