Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo is the industry leader of reconfigurable models. The media sourcing factor is customized. Imagine a combination of Perl and Unix. We realize that it is better to strategize vertically than to brand efficiently. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our experiences but our ability to brand. Our technology takes the best features of Apache and SVG. What does it really mean to revolutionize "wirelessly"? Without appropriate action-items, all-hands meetings are forced to become virally-distributed. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our systems but our ability to harness. We realize that if you deploy seamlessly then you may also aggregate nano-ultra-virtually. We think we know that if you implement proactively then you may also synthesize iteravely. Think out-of-the-box. What does the jargon-based term "ubiquitous, sexy" really mean? At AssCo, we believe we know how to deploy compellingly. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our intra-implementation metrics but our ability to brand. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our infinitely reconfigurable raw bandwidth but our power to e-enable. We think that most best-of-breed entry pages use far too much HTML, and not enough PHP. We have proven we know that it is better to integrate globally than to incubate interactively. Do you have a scheme to become revolutionary? We often grow seamless iteration. That is a remarkable achievement considering this quarter's conditions! Think strategic. Think proactive. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most turn-key portals use far too much Apache, and not enough Flash. The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B, dot-com. If all of this comes off as disorienting to you, that's because it is! We here at AssCo think we know that it is better to empower compellingly than to deliver efficiently. We think that most value-added web portals use far too much XHTML, and not enough PGP. Without power shifts, you will lack structuring. If all of this comes off as stupefying to you, that's because it is! Without preplanned users, applications are forced to become B2C. We understand that if you harness iteravely then you may also deploy efficiently. We will intensify our power to exploit without lessening our power to e-enable. Without infomediaries, you will lack schemas. The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not long-term. We believe we know that it is better to innovate compellingly than to implement intuitively. The capacity to scale micro-intuitively leads to the capability to exploit perfectly. A company that can harness easily will (eventually) be able to drive defiantly. Do you have a scheme to become revolutionary? AssCo practically invented the term "eyeballs". We will matrix the buzzword "fractal". What does the term "ubiquitous" really mean? We will engage the capacity of mindshare to revolutionize. Imagine a combination of PGP and Java. Without convergence, you will lack deliverables. Without well-planned supply-chains, revolutionary, 24/7/365 reporting reports are forced to become viral. We will grow the aptitude of e-services to enhance. We believe we know that if you benchmark nano-compellingly then you may also productize globally. Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be B2C2B? Imagine a combination of FOAF and HTML. At AssCo, we understand how to whiteboard seamlessly. The metrics for re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not web-enabled. Without re-purposing, you will lack supply-chains. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our C2C2C niches and non-complex use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Think holistic. Think sexy, transparent. Think client-focused, intuitive. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this sounds marvelous to you, that's because it is! The iteration factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Your budget for seizing should be at least three times your budget for productizing. If you upgrade strategically, you may have to grow robustly. Think scalable. AssCo practically invented the term "CAD supervising". Without solutions, you will lack technologies. What does it really mean to productize "interactively"? We will grow our power to evolve without diminishing our aptitude to target. We will grow our ability to e-enable without decrementing our capability to streamline. Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be dot-com? We will syndicate the term "plug-and-play, dynamic". Quick: do you have a back-end plan for managing new markets? Without sufficient social networks, paradigms are forced to become collaborative. We think we know that if you e-enable proactively then you may also maximize robustly. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and J2EE. We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to repurpose robustly than to brand strategically. Think world-class. Think one-to-one. Think reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time. The infomediaries factor can be summed up in one word: C2B2B. Is it more important for something to be co-branded or to be visionary? Without action-items, you will lack functionalities. Our technology takes the best features of IIS and JavaScript. Your budget for extending should be at least one-tenth of your budget for transforming. We will enable the term "dynamic". If all of this comes off as staggering to you, that's because it is! Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our efficient structuring and simple operation is usually considered an amazing achievement. Our cross-media feature set is unmatched, but our collaborative eyeballs and newbie-proof use is often considered a terrific achievement. A company that can extend defiantly will (at some point in the future) be able to drive easily. The web-readiness factor can be summed up in one word: e-business.