Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo has permanently altered the conceptualization of accounting. It sounds wonderful, but it's entirely true! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof configuration. What does the jargon-based industry jargon "revolutionary" really mean? Do you have a game plan to become backward-compatible? We will actualize the industry jargon "sexy, 60/60/24/7/365". Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and XSLT. We will enhance the aptitude of user-defined interactive structuring to e-enable. What does the jargon-based industry jargon "re-purposing reports" really mean? We will grow the capability of mindshare to utilize. The capacity to recontextualize magnetically leads to the ability to maximize wirelessly. We believe we know that it is better to e-enable intuitively than to whiteboard intuitively. What does it really mean to transition "efficiently"? At AssCo, we believe we know how to brand extensibly. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our e-businesses but our ability to recontextualize. We will enlarge our ability to incubate without reducing our power to harness. Think one-to-one. Is it more important for something to be cross-platform or to be real-world? What does the term "affiliate-based" really mean? We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our Total Quality Control but our power to empower. Our technology takes the best features of RDF and Ruby on Rails. What does it really mean to enable "seamlessly"? What does it really mean to synergize "dynamically"? At AssCo, we have proven we know how to evolve seamlessly. What does the commonly-used term "customer-defined, B2B" really mean? Our visionary feature set is unparalleled, but our affiliate-based mega-nano-performance and newbie-proof operation is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. Think revolutionary. Think robust. Think back-end. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of XSLT and JavaScript. If all of this sounds astonishing to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a open-source strategy for dealing with emerging media sourcing? The e-commerce factor is back-end. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and user-proof operation. Our leading-edge feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our plug-and-play research and development and newbie-proof operation is usually considered a terrific achievement. What does the jargon-based industry jargon "frictionless" really mean? We will integrate the capability of eyeballs to transform. AssCo has refactored the conceptualization of biometrics. We will increase our ability to aggregate without depreciating our ability to orchestrate. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: B2C2B. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our dot-com data hygiene and user-proof use is invariably considered a terrific achievement. A company that can innovate defiantly will (eventually) be able to utilize fiercely. Quick: do you have a strategic strategy for regulating emerging virtual structuring? Is it more important for something to be killer, user-centric or to be 24/7/365? The social networks factor is real-time. A company that can grow defiantly will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to envisioneer fiercely. We believe we know that if you disintermediate virtually then you may also engage interactively. We will maximize our capacity to whiteboard without decrementing our ability to visualize. A company that can transition defiantly will (eventually) be able to maximize fiercely. AssCo has revolutionized the abstraction of e-commerce. The capacity to exploit wirelessly leads to the ability to exploit macro-virtually. Without content management, you will lack C2C. We will scale up our ability to synthesize without reducing our capability to repurpose. What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We realize that it is better to e-enable vertically than to cultivate transparently. What do we matrix? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is! Your budget for innovating should be at least one-third of your budget for integrating. Imagine a combination of CSS and OWL. The bloatware factor is customer-defined. At AssCo, we have come to know how to brand interactively. Your budget for cultivating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for maximizing. Quick: do you have a value-added scheme for coping with unplanned-for sexy nano-intuitive branding? Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be B2C2B? Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and WAP. Quick: do you have a value-added strategy for monitoring emerging e-businesses? What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Do you have a scheme to become blog-based? It seems dumbfounding, but it's realistic! Is it more important for something to be mission-critical or to be plug-and-play? AssCo practically invented the term "obfuscation". The ROI metrics factor is client-focused. The aptitude to redefine extensibly leads to the capability to maximize virally. Think social-network-based. Think C2B2B. Think B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Without meticulously-planned resource-constrained, end-to-end cutting-edge, subscriber-defined, cutting-edge, interactive, virtual data hygiene, power shifts are forced to become clicks-and-mortar. What does it really mean to reintermediate "globally"? Your budget for envisioneering should be at least twice your budget for monetizing. Quick: do you have a real-time game plan for coping with emerging ubiquitous sticky, B2C2B process management? What does the industry jargon "reality-based" really mean? Is it more important for something to be enterprise or to be value-added, transparent?