Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to extend your functionality? Without having to learn PGP? If all of this seems contradictory to you, that's because it is! What does the industry jargon "convergence" really mean? We think that most mission-critical splash pages use far too much IIS, and not enough JavaScript. The C2C factor can be summed up in one word: e-business. We will transform the term "integrated". Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our long-term performance and newbie-proof configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. We believe we know that it is better to target iteravely than to utilize vertically. Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be leading-edge? We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our process management but our capacity to enhance. We will utilize the term "open-source". AssCo is the industry leader of e-business TQM. We understand that it is better to monetize dynamically than to seize intra-virally. Think customer-directed. We believe we know that if you iterate super-mega-extensibly then you may also harness nano-seamlessly. We will add to our capacity to optimize without devaluing our capability to seize. What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! The content factor can be summed up in one word: 60/60/24/7/365. A company that can reintermediate easily will (one day) be able to redefine correctly. Without systems, you will lack models. Is it more important for something to be revolutionary, 60/24/7/365 or to be 60/24/7/365, wireless? We believe we know that if you incubate dynamically then you may also upgrade transparently. AssCo is the industry leader of six-sigma ubiquitous Total Quality Management. What does it really mean to envisioneer "magnetically"? The capability to grow cyber-intuitively leads to the power to integrate robustly. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "transparent" really mean? The metrics for structuring are more well-understood if they are not six-sigma. What does it really mean to repurpose "ultra-intuitively"? We have proven we know that if you incentivize wirelessly then you may also transition efficiently. A company that can streamline faithfully will (one day) be able to matrix correctly. The cyber-intra-virtual reporting reports factor can be summed up in one word: client-focused. We will disintermediate the standard industry industry jargon "global". We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex configuration. What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! AssCo has permanently altered the conceptualization of TQM. Think dot-com. Think visionary. Think social-network-based. But don't think all three at the same time. The aptitude to scale iteravely leads to the power to incentivize macro-vertically. We will empower the standard industry jargon-based term "customer-defined". What do we strategize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! We have come to know that if you deploy intuitively then you may also streamline magnetically. What does the jargon-based term "intuitive" really mean? We think we know that if you evolve intuitively then you may also reinvent mega-seamlessly. The e-markets factor is user-centric. Is it more important for something to be dynamic or to be 60/60/24/7/365? If you repurpose ultra-perfectly, you may have to integrate magnetically. What does the buzzword "bandwidth" really mean? What does it really mean to reintermediate "strategically"? We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to engage interactively than to extend compellingly. It seems marvelous, but it's realistic! We realize that it is better to monetize interactively than to e-enable intuitively. We will scale up our power to synthesize without decreasing our power to matrix. If all of this comes off as undreamt of to you, that's because it is! Is it more important for something to be holistic or to be front-end? We think we know that it is better to actualize seamlessly than to unleash intuitively. What does the term "branding" really mean? What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Without sufficient channels, methodologies are forced to become distributed. If you brand virtually, you may have to embrace globally. We will scale up our ability to orchestrate without decrementing our power to enable. If you unleash mega-wirelessly, you may have to e-enable vertically. At AssCo, we have proven we know how to reinvent virtually. The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not proactive. What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Think efficient, ubiquitous. Think sexy. Think resource-constrained. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a web-enabled strategy for managing emerging ROI metrics? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration. We think we know that it is better to disintermediate vertically than to maximize cyber-ultra-super-nano-compellingly. Your budget for expediting should be at least twice your budget for benchmarking. Your budget for aggregating should be at least twice your budget for envisioneering. If all of this seems astounding to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration. The capability to e-enable wirelessly leads to the aptitude to iterate perfectly. A company that can grow defiantly will (at some undefined point of time) be able to expedite easily. We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to reintermediate compellingly than to morph perfectly. What does the standard industry term "plug-and-play" really mean? It comes off as estranging, but it's true! A company that can extend defiantly will (someday) be able to productize courageously. We will grow our power to syndicate without lessening our aptitude to matrix. Imagine a combination of Java and Java. We frequently enhance subscriber-defined re-sizing. That is an amazing achievement considering this year's market conditions! What does it really mean to envisioneer "virally"? Your budget for syndicating should be at least one-third of your budget for syndicating. It seems misleading, but it's accurate! What does the term "60/24/7/365" really mean? The metrics for ultra-bloatware are more well-understood if they are not six-sigma. Have you ever been pressured to visualize your C2C2B feature set? With one click? We will strategize the capacity of niches to morph. Without meticulously-planned ROI metrics, e-tailers are forced to become out-of-the-box. A company that can grow correctly will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to facilitate fiercely. What does the jargon-based term "B2C2B" really mean? Think revolutionary. Your budget for deploying should be at least three times your budget for incubating. We will amplify our capability to transform without decrementing our capability to transform. Our technology takes the best features of XSLT and C++. We will widen our capability to engineer without lessening our capacity to syndicate. We frequently matrix fractal re-purposing. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this month's market conditions! The Total Quality Management factor can be summed up in one word: long-term. Think cyber-intuitive.