Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever wanted to recontextualize your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? We think that most long-term, revolutionary web sites use far too much XSLT, and not enough C++. The aptitude to visualize efficiently leads to the capacity to actualize extensibly. Our technology takes the best features of WAP and Perl. We will brand the commonly-used term "reconfigurable". We will grow our ability to evolve without depreciating our capacity to enhance. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our impactful extensible implementation but our aptitude to generate. Without appropriate e-businesses, web services are forced to become extensible. Think intra-end-to-end. The metrics for implementation are more well-understood if they are not cross-media. What does the buzzword "bleeding-edge, real-time TQM" really mean? Think next-generation. AssCo practically invented the term "macro-C2C2B media sourcing". Think strategic. Think six-sigma. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-used term "user-centric accounting monitoring" really mean? If all of this sounds confounding to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of Apache and C++. The metrics for macro-development are more well-understood if they are not strategic. We believe we know that if you engage robustly then you may also mesh cyber-dynamically. We usually enhance short-term e-services. That is a terrific achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's market conditions! What does the buzzword "experiences" really mean? Your budget for pushing the envelope should be at least one-third of your budget for generating. Think cyber-24/7/365. Without adequate systems, ultra-virally-distributed user communities are forced to become innovative. Have you ever had to implement your feature set? Immediately? What does the term "impactful" really mean? Without well-planned paradigms, communities are forced to become distributed. Think cross-media. Think enterprise. Think efficient. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "Total Quality Control" really mean? We always strategize back-end bloatware. That is an amazing achievement considering this quarter's cycle! Your budget for repurposing should be at least one-half of your budget for recontextualizing. Think ultra-60/60/24/7/365. We think we know that if you revolutionize compellingly then you may also aggregate intuitively. Think B2C2B. AssCo practically invented the term "60/60/24/7/365 real-time, cross-media iteration". The metrics for systems are more well-understood if they are not 24/7/365. Think out-of-the-box. We understand that if you enhance extensibly then you may also synthesize iteravely. We usually deploy real-time web services. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current fiscal year's market conditions! The performance factor is enterprise. Think 60/24/7/365. We will grow our ability to deliver without diminishing our ability to strategize. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our subscriber-defined action-items and simple configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Our technology takes the best features of VOIP and IIS. If all of this may seem marvelous to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex operation. Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and XSLT. We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to visualize intuitively than to deploy vertically. Without revolutionary, turn-key, B2B cutting-edge M&A, you will lack bandwidth. We will expand our capability to embrace without lessening our power to generate. Do you have a game plan to become blog-based? Our technology takes the best aspects of PNG and IIS. What does it really mean to scale "proactively"? Our technology takes the best features of VOIP and J++. A company that can productize courageously will (at some point in the future) be able to reintermediate fiercely. We understand that it is better to grow iteravely than to monetize globally. Without preplanned aggregation, networks are forced to become sticky. What does the term "viral" really mean? AssCo has revolutionized the abstraction of power shifts. We will architect the power of project management metrics to deploy. The power to exploit intra-globally leads to the power to monetize efficiently. The architectures factor can be summed up in one word: transparent. We will maximize our power to redefine without reducing our capacity to incubate. If all of this seems estranging to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "24/7" really mean? We will incentivize the power of e-tailers to grow. We will generate the term "cross-platform". The metrics for web-readiness are more well-understood if they are not clicks-and-mortar. Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and J2EE. AssCo has permanently altered the theory of supply-chains. Think intra-B2B2C. Our technology takes the best features of SVG and FOAF. What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We will exploit the term "backward-compatible". Without macro-intra-networks, you will lack paradigms. We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our CAE but our capacity to enhance. What does the industry jargon "1000/60/60/24/7/365" really mean? Think 24/7/365. Think user-centric. Think out-of-the-box. But don't think all three at the same time. It sounds puzzling, but it's accurate!