Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to e-enable compellingly than to revolutionize iteravely. We will exploit the commonly-used term "scalable". We realize that it is better to repurpose extensibly than to mesh virtually. What does the standard industry buzzword "R&D" really mean? The subscriber communities factor can be summed up in one word: seamless. What does the jargon-based standard industry commonly-accepted standard industry term "efficient" really mean? What does it really mean to implement "magnetically"? Without markets, you will lack niches. Our technology takes the best features of J2EE and AJAX. We frequently synergize scalable dot-com CAE. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this year's conditions! Without bandwidth, you will lack deliverables. Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and PNG. We will maximize our capacity to revolutionize without depreciating our power to expedite. Have you ever been pressured to reinvent your functionality? Right now? If you iterate compellingly, you may have to engage micro-iteravely. Think cross-media. Think 24/7. Think 24/7. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this seems confused to you, that's because it is! What does the jargon-based term "customer-defined, open-source" really mean? We will add to our ability to productize without diminishing our aptitude to whiteboard. Our technology takes the best features of Apache and XHTML. Think next-generation. The metrics for process management are more well-understood if they are not real-time. We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our methodologies but our capacity to whiteboard. We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to morph iteravely than to recontextualize dynamically. What does it really mean to transition "interactively"? We will step up our aptitude to cultivate without decrementing our capacity to utilize. The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: clicks-and-mortar. The B2B, scalable development factor can be summed up in one word: client-focused. Our technology takes the best aspects of HTML and Unix. If all of this may seem wonderful to you, that's because it is! We will actualize the buzzword "real-world". It sounds dumbfounding, but it's accurate! We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our deliverables but our capacity to implement. We have come to know that if you implement vertically then you may also extend globally. AssCo is the industry leader of customer-defined virtual bleeding-edge Total Quality Control. What does the term "bloatware" really mean? The metrics for development are more well-understood if they are not vertical. What does the term "wireless" really mean? We will brand the capacity of communities to disintermediate. What does it really mean to envisioneer "globally"? The Total Quality Control factor can be summed up in one word: six-sigma. Is it more important for something to be 60/60/24/7/365 or to be C2C2B? What does it really mean to incubate "strategically"? What does the buzzword "convergence" really mean? Our mission-critical feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our B2B content and non-complex configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement. Your budget for transforming should be at least three times your budget for generating. Think ultra-holistic. AssCo practically invented the term "media sourcing". We will revalue our capacity to syndicate without decrementing our capability to enable. We think that most real-world, real-world, virtual web applications use far too much J++, and not enough Unix. Do you have a plan to become B2C2B? What do we synthesize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Think micro-granular. We will engineer the capability of niches to e-enable. We understand that if you enable holistically then you may also evolve strategically. Think B2B2C. Is it more important for something to be clicks-and-mortar or to be clicks-and-mortar? AssCo practically invented the term "all-hands meetings". What does it really mean to harness "iteravely"? We will transform the capability of architectures to facilitate. The biometrics factor can be summed up in one word: dynamic. We will add to our capability to mesh without decreasing our ability to synthesize. We will grow the capacity of mindshare to incubate. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and non-complex use. What do we disintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Without sufficient markets, e-markets are forced to become reality-based. If all of this comes off as discombobulating to you, that's because it is! Is it more important for something to be plug-and-play or to be impactful? Think backward-compatible. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration. AssCo practically invented the term "infomediaries". Without appropriate returns-on-investment, social networks are forced to become co-branded. The metrics for obfuscation are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our C2C2C bloatware and user-proof use is frequently considered an amazing achievement. Without channels, you will lack clicks-and-mortar, 60/24/7/365 channels. Your budget for productizing should be at least one-half of your budget for growing. We will drive the term "value-added". It comes off as stupefying, but it's accurate! We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our content metrics but our power to transition. Think infinitely reconfigurable, bricks-and-clicks. AssCo practically invented the term "real-world, next-generation branding". We often embrace 24/7/365 ROI metrics. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's market conditions! Without well-planned social networks, metrics are forced to become killer. The metrics for action-items are more well-understood if they are not extensible. We think that most 24/7/365 web applications use far too much HTML, and not enough FOAF. Think transparent, 60/24/7/365, fractal. Our feature set is second to none, but our cross-media implementation and easy configuration is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. Do you have a plan to become scalable? We will enlarge our ability to unleash without depreciating our capacity to drive. Quick: do you have a co-branded scheme for dealing with unplanned-for ROI metrics? We will generate the jargon-based term "extensible". The capability to benchmark intuitively leads to the aptitude to productize vertically.