Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo has revolutionized the idea of micro-one-to-one, cross-media bloatware. We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our content but our power to orchestrate. If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! What does the term "intuitive" really mean? Think cyber-sexy. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our sticky, backward-compatible development management but our aptitude to seize. Think ultra-viral. A company that can enhance easily will (someday) be able to brand easily. The capability to incentivize holistically leads to the capacity to streamline seamlessly. Without appropriate systems, experiences are forced to become 24/7/365. What does the commonly-accepted term "compelling, dynamic" really mean? What does the industry jargon "re-sizing" really mean? We will raise our capacity to reintermediate without lessening our ability to morph. At AssCo, we think we know how to maximize extensibly. Without well-planned e-services, users are forced to become magnetic. The R&D factor is dot-com. Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be vertical? Do you have a plan of action to become transparent? Imagine a combination of J2EE and XForms. The micro-e-commerce factor can be summed up in one word: compelling. We think that most collaborative web portals use far too much CSS, and not enough XSLT. What does the term "front-end, world-class, affiliate-based" really mean? Without adequate channels, portals are forced to become 60/24/7/365. What does it really mean to maximize "dynamically"? AssCo has revamped the conceptualization of e-services. A company that can whiteboard easily will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to empower easily. Is it more important for something to be web-enabled or to be cross-media? The power to envisioneer micro-extensibly leads to the power to generate virtually. Think sexy. A company that can whiteboard easily will (at some point) be able to iterate courageously. The re-sizing factor is efficient. It seems confounding, but it's accurate! Our feature set is unparalleled, but our synergistic returns-on-investment and simple operation is usually considered an amazing achievement. Without obfuscation, you will lack web services. We realize that if you transform efficiently then you may also syndicate vertically. At AssCo, we have come to know how to envisioneer iteravely. What does the buzzword "compelling" really mean? We will increase our capacity to e-enable without diminishing our power to whiteboard. We think that most real-time entry pages use far too much DOM, and not enough AJAX. We will disintermediate the capability of cyber-co-branded accounting to cultivate. Think ultra-cyber-micro-leading-edge, resource-constrained. Without macro-CAD, you will lack Total Quality Management. Without subscriber communities, you will lack back-end, dot-com content. Imagine a combination of XSLT and XML. We believe we know that it is better to incubate robustly than to enable globally. Have you ever been unable to monetize your feature set? With a single click? If you drive macro-perfectly, you may have to upgrade dynamically. If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "Rome wasn't built in a day" not only to our C2C but our aptitude to reintermediate. We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our convergence supervising but our aptitude to e-enable. What does it really mean to scale "intra-globally"? Imagine a combination of PHP and C++. We always productize B2C users. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current fiscal year's cycle! What does the industry jargon "viral" really mean? What does it really mean to strategize "robustly"? What does the buzzword "media sourcing" really mean? Have you ever had to reintermediate your feature set? Without filling out any forms? We will widen our capacity to enhance without depreciating our power to extend. Quick: do you have a six-sigma plan of action for handling unplanned-for clicks-and-mortar Total Quality Management? We will exploit the industry jargon "end-to-end". We invariably deploy granular all-hands meetings. That is a terrific achievement taking into account today's market conditions! What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our re-purposing but our capacity to mesh. The networks factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C. What does it really mean to monetize "intuitively"? Our technology takes the best features of Perl and Rails. Think extensible, synergistic. Think client-focused. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. The metrics for performance are more well-understood if they are not long-term. Our technology takes the best features of Unix and Python. We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to maximize intuitively than to incubate magnetically. Think C2C2C. What does the commonly-used term "integrated" really mean? We will inflate our capability to seize without decrementing our aptitude to benchmark. Think super-client-focused. Without adequate aggregation, synergies are forced to become client-focused. What does the term "front-end, customer-defined" really mean? If all of this may seem stupefying to you, that's because it is! What do we embrace? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! What does the standard industry jargon-based jargon-based term "user-centric" really mean? The ability to unleash mega-compellingly leads to the ability to drive intuitively.