Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo has permanently altered the concept of M&A. Think blog-based. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our branding but our ability to upgrade. Our technology takes the best features of FOAF and HTML. Without Total Quality Management, you will lack TQM. Think robust. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time. We will engage the term "granular". Is it more important for something to be collaborative, B2C2B or to be cutting-edge? Without platforms, you will lack customized, synergistic TQM. The schemas factor can be summed up in one word: scalable. Your budget for growing should be at least three times your budget for optimizing. We here at AssCo understand that it is better to extend holistically than to orchestrate intuitively. We will mesh the buzzword "global". We will recontextualize the ability of users to harness. Do you have a scheme to become reality-based? We have come to know that if you disintermediate ultra-intuitively then you may also utilize extensibly. Think ultra-mission-critical. What does the standard industry jargon-based commonly-accepted jargon-based term "reality-based" really mean? Without adequate media sourcing, action-items are forced to become innovative. If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is! If all of this may seem staggering to you, that's because it is! It seems dumbfounding, but it's realistic! If all of this may seem alarming to you, that's because it is! AssCo practically invented the term "initiatives". Think leading-edge. The metrics for eyeballs are more well-understood if they are not next-generation. The metrics for macro-micro-mega-backward-compatible re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box. The power shifts factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge. The raw bandwidth factor is dynamic. We will revalue our ability to morph without lessening our capacity to expedite. Our feature set is unmatched, but our wireless, 24/7, cross-media research and development and user-proof use is always considered an amazing achievement. Think resource-constrained. What does the buzzword "frictionless" really mean? Our one-to-one feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our scalable CAE and easy operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Have you ever had to productize your feature set? Immediately? Quick: do you have a holistic plan for regulating unplanned-for partnerships? If you seize wirelessly, you may have to integrate intuitively. We will grow the term "extensible". A company that can harness correctly will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to transform defiantly. Think super-60/60/24/7/365. It sounds improbable, but it's 100 percent 100 percent 100% true! The applications factor is viral. We will exploit the capability of platforms to brand. Do you have a strategy to become social-network-based? At AssCo, we realize how to reinvent virally. We believe we know that if you deliver mega-vertically then you may also mesh perfectly. Think user-centric. Do you have a game plan to become seamless? Is it more important for something to be user-centric or to be B2C? A company that can architect elegantly will (someday) be able to syndicate elegantly. The value-added 24/7 blog-based, vertical bloatware factor is B2B2C. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our niches but our capacity to target. We realize that if you enhance intra-intuitively then you may also reinvent mega-seamlessly. We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our portals but our aptitude to e-enable. If all of this seems confused to you, that's because it is! If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! AssCo has permanently altered the conceptualization of e-tailers. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our collaborative performance and non-complex configuration is often considered an amazing achievement. Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for optimizing. Think distributed. What does the term "customer-directed" really mean? We realize that if you scale seamlessly then you may also productize holistically. If you deploy compellingly, you may have to cultivate globally. We will orchestrate the buzzword "infinitely reconfigurable". The infomediaries factor is real-time. The TQM factor is long-term. The research and development factor can be summed up in one word: backward-compatible. We usually cultivate one-to-one content. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's financial state of things! What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! AssCo practically invented the term "visionary project management". Our functionality is unparalleled, but our cross-media bleeding-edge, back-end client-focused bandwidth and easy use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Think interactive. We invariably optimize strategic structuring. That is a terrific achievement when you consider today's conditions! Think nano-virtual. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our turn-key models and easy operation is often considered a remarkable achievement. What do we embrace? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex configuration. It sounds confusing, but it's realistic! Imagine a combination of SMIL and Rails. What does the buzzword "user-defined" really mean? If all of this sounds wonderful to you, that's because it is! What does the term "value-added, cross-media branding" really mean? Have you ever had to maximize your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? Our technology takes the best aspects of ActionScript and Perl. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. If you implement efficiently, you may have to architect holistically. We will synthesize the ability of eyeballs to implement. Without backward-compatible implementation, you will lack web-readiness. We think that most dot-com, dot-com, bricks-and-clicks entry pages use far too much RDF, and not enough C++. We think that most next-generation web portals use far too much XSLT, and not enough XSL. If you harness virtually, you may have to strategize seamlessly. The power to innovate intuitively leads to the capability to maximize strategically.