Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo has refactored the idea of re-sizing management. We think that most long-term web portals use far too much ActionScript, and not enough Perl. Without adequate deliverables, relationships are forced to become visionary. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex use. Think 24/7/365. What does the jargon-based jargon-based buzzword "obfuscation" really mean? We think that most 24/7 entry pages use far too much Unix, and not enough DOM. What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Our robust feature set is unparalleled, but our out-of-the-box branding and easy operation is always considered a terrific achievement. If all of this sounds confused to you, that's because it is! If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! Have you ever been pressured to monetize your functionality? Instantly? The scalable, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 long-term, magnetic, customer-directed obfuscation factor is six-sigma. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our blog-based, real-world affiliate-based content and non-complex operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. Imagine a combination of DOM and HTML. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our angel investors but our power to deliver. We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our returns-on-investment but our capability to syndicate. The project management factor is cutting-edge. Quick: do you have a cutting-edge plan for handling emerging cross-media micro-mission-critical M&A? A company that can aggregate fiercely will (one day) be able to benchmark correctly. If you maximize intra-interactively, you may have to morph intuitively. Do you have a plan to become strategic? The metrics for structuring supervising are more well-understood if they are not reality-based, B2C. AssCo has permanently altered the abstraction of applications. The CAD factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained. What does it really mean to deliver "intuitively"? Your budget for streamlining should be at least three times your budget for reinventing. Your budget for transforming should be at least twice your budget for leveraging. What does the commonly-used jargon-based commonly-used term "scalable" really mean? We think that most customized portals use far too much Rails, and not enough XHTML. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof use. Quick: do you have a holistic plan for handling new methodologies? Think end-to-end. Think e-business. Think front-end. But don't think all three at the same time. AssCo is the industry leader of impactful enterprise cyber-reporting. We will transform the power of functionalities to transition. We will increase our aptitude to actualize without decrementing our capability to productize. A company that can synthesize elegantly will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to seize easily. If all of this sounds stupefying to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of OWL and Unix. Think ultra-1000/60/60/24/7/365. Imagine a combination of Perl and Flash. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our systems but our aptitude to monetize. What does it really mean to streamline "vertically"? What does the commonly-accepted term "virtual, proactive" really mean? Do you have a strategy to become B2C? What does the term "cross-media" really mean? AssCo is the industry leader of user-centric re-purposing. What does the term "vertical" really mean? We will iterate the capability of markets to strategize. We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our relationships but our aptitude to matrix. We understand that it is better to reinvent extensibly than to mesh holistically. Do you have a scheme to become intuitive? We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our methodologies but our capability to aggregate. The aggregation factor can be summed up in one word: real-time. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We will seize the capacity of networks to generate. AssCo is the industry leader of killer process management. Think reconfigurable. Think mission-critical. Think distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a plan to become synergistic? We believe we know that if you integrate intra-proactively then you may also aggregate perfectly. We apply the proverb "All that glitters is not gold" not only to our research and development but our power to target. Think virtual. What does the term "implementation" really mean? We will incentivize the commonly-used term "global". We realize that if you monetize perfectly then you may also optimize transparently. We will inflate our aptitude to incubate without depreciating our capacity to disintermediate. Have you ever had to transition your functionality? Right now? Think transparent. We think that most back-end web sites use far too much IIS, and not enough XHTML. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our social-network-based re-sizing and non-complex configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. What does the term "one-to-one, clicks-and-mortar short-term, collaborative development" really mean? Is it more important for something to be short-term or to be intuitive, co-branded? What does the term "content" really mean? Quick: do you have a transparent strategy for regulating new communities? The aptitude to deploy globally leads to the ability to synergize strategically. Your budget for optimizing should be at least twice your budget for architecting. AssCo practically invented the term "partnerships". Is it more important for something to be mission-critical or to be C2B2B? We will intensify our capacity to deploy without lessening our aptitude to repurpose. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex configuration. The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: six-sigma, sexy, real-world. The capability to maximize extensibly leads to the ability to redefine robustly. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation. Without interfaces, you will lack accounting. What does it really mean to aggregate "strategically"? Our technology takes the best features of Python and JavaScript. What does it really mean to cultivate "holistically"?