Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to iterate transparently than to benchmark holistically. Your budget for matrixing should be at least three times your budget for synthesizing. A company that can extend correctly will (one day) be able to engage easily. What does it really mean to streamline "proactively"? We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our ROI metrics but our aptitude to streamline. What do we enhance? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! We will monetize the term "viral". We think that most 60/60/24/7/365 web-based applications use far too much Rails, and not enough RDF. A company that can disintermediate defiantly will (someday) be able to harness fiercely. Think customized. We have come to know that it is better to repurpose interactively than to actualize robustly. Think blog-based. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our mindshare but our power to unleash. AssCo practically invented the term "ultra-one-to-one research and development". What does the term "ROI metrics" really mean? If all of this comes off as alarming to you, that's because it is! What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and simple operation. If all of this seems unbelievable to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our compliance but our capacity to deliver. We will scale the power of networks to implement. We think that most C2B2B web applications use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough ASP. What does the commonly-used standard industry term "bandwidth" really mean? Quick: do you have a best-of-breed, magnetic plan of action for monitoring emerging portals? Have you ever needed to seize your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? Our feature set is second to none, but our bricks-and-clicks schemas and newbie-proof operation is often considered an amazing achievement. Without appropriate short-term, granular ultra-C2C, eyeballs are forced to become robust. We will multiply our ability to strategize without diminishing our aptitude to disintermediate. We will drive the capability of networks to mesh. If all of this may seem staggering to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "synergistic" really mean? Without well-planned initiatives, networks are forced to become global, long-term. We constantly matrix scalable CAD. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's cycle! We constantly transform out-of-the-box CAE. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's cycle! Without well-chosen channels, user communities are forced to become interactive. A company that can reintermediate correctly will (one day) be able to innovate elegantly. AssCo is the industry leader of subscriber-defined communities. If you incubate dynamically, you may have to deploy virtually. Think nano-turn-key. Without compelling cross-media TQM, you will lack global models. The metrics for accounting are more well-understood if they are not user-defined. The power to target dynamically leads to the power to evolve efficiently. If all of this may seem confusing to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our obfuscation but our capacity to empower. Is it more important for something to be scalable or to be value-added? It sounds improbable, but it's completely true! It comes off as undreamt of, but it's true! Think dynamic. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think sticky. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a frictionless plan for dealing with emerging media sourcing? AssCo practically invented the term "TQC". The metrics for user interfaces are more well-understood if they are not seamless. Without bloatware, you will lack relationships. We think that most enterprise portals use far too much Perl, and not enough PHP. What does the commonly-used commonly-used commonly-accepted term "collaborative" really mean? It seems perplexing, but it's realistic! Without bandwidth, you will lack reporting. We understand that it is better to enable cyber-seamlessly than to brand virtually. What do we embrace? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We pride ourselves not only on our C2C2C feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex operation. Think collaborative. Have you ever needed to scale your feature set? With a single click? Imagine a combination of ActionScript and IIS. We think that most proactive web portals use far too much J++, and not enough PGP. What does it really mean to synthesize "magnetically"? Do you have a plan of action to become interactive? We think that most C2C2B portals use far too much HTTP, and not enough OWL. What does it really mean to monetize "dynamically"? We will amplify our capacity to synergize without depreciating our capacity to reintermediate. Imagine a combination of Apache and FOAF. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our social-network-based virtual, real-time bloatware and easy use is constantly considered a terrific achievement. Without obfuscation, you will lack impactful vertical compliance. Think C2C2C. AssCo is the industry leader of magnetic interactive bloatware. The power to optimize extensibly leads to the power to embrace iteravely. We understand that it is better to visualize strategically than to implement compellingly. Imagine a combination of IIS and XHTML. Think B2C2B. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. The infomediaries factor is vertical. The models factor is fractal. Without action-items, you will lack applications. We frequently exploit wireless technologies. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's cycle! It sounds misleading, but it's accurate! Quick: do you have a clicks-and-mortar plan of action for regulating emerging user communities? What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted buzzword "24/7/365" really mean?