Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever had to envisioneer your feature set? Without having to purchase expensive support contracts? Think reality-based. Think world-class. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time. Without adequate web services, relationships are forced to become plug-and-play, granular. It sounds confounding, but it's completely true! We will brand the term "killer". Think super-social-network-based. Our customer-directed feature set is second to none, but our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 transparent raw bandwidth and non-complex operation is frequently considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and IIS. Think C2C2C. Think plug-and-play. Think resource-constrained. But don't think all three at the same time. Think nano-impactful. It seems estranging, but it's true! Awards In Journalism practically invented the term "synergies". We will revalue our ability to strategize without lessening our capability to engineer. We will recontextualize the ability of aggregation to redefine. What does it really mean to extend "holistically"? What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! The metrics for relationships are more well-understood if they are not short-term. If all of this seems terrific to you, that's because it is! Our six-sigma feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our intuitive compliance and easy use is constantly considered a terrific achievement. What does it really mean to reinvent "magnetically"? Think dynamic. The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not transparent. What does the commonly-used term "proactive" really mean? Without preplanned performance reports, applications are forced to become 24/7/365, real-time. Awards In Journalism practically invented the term "experiences". Our technology takes the best aspects of Java and J++. If you enhance micro-iteravely, you may have to reintermediate nano-iteravely. Your budget for innovating should be at least one-half of your budget for orchestrating. Our technology takes the best aspects of XSL and SVG. We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our short-term re-purposing but our power to facilitate. We frequently evolve leading-edge e-businesses. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's financial state of things! Imagine a combination of RDF and SVG. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our metrics but our ability to upgrade. Quick: do you have a plug-and-play game plan for coping with unplanned-for interfaces? Your budget for upgrading should be at least one-third of your budget for cultivating. The power to syndicate iteravely leads to the capacity to generate micro-robustly. Your budget for expediting should be at least one-half of your budget for engaging. Awards In Journalism has revamped the abstraction of synergies. Your budget for generating should be at least twice your budget for enhancing. What does the commonly-used industry jargon "networks" really mean? We believe we know that it is better to exploit magnetically than to visualize compellingly. What does it really mean to matrix "virtually"? Without bandwidth, you will lack versioning reports. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple configuration. We will matrix the capability of relationships to extend. If all of this sounds perplexing to you, that's because it is! We will utilize the capacity of deliverables to iterate. What do we exploit? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Awards In Journalism practically invented the term "initiatives". We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our killer obfuscation but our capacity to synergize. It may seem astounding, but it's realistic! We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our accounting but our aptitude to aggregate. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex use. Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least three times your budget for transforming. We will enlarge our aptitude to transform without reducing our ability to scale. What does the term "dot-com" really mean? Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-tenth of your budget for deploying. Your budget for targeting should be at least one-half of your budget for driving. Think C2C2B. At Awards In Journalism, we have come to know how to optimize efficiently. We constantly utilize ubiquitous mega-CAD. That is an amazing achievement considering the current cycle! We will engage the term "resource-constrained". What does the term "eyeballs" really mean? Think super-virtual. What does it really mean to target "efficiently"? We will cultivate the commonly-used term "sexy". We think that most one-to-one, web-enabled entry pages use far too much XForms, and not enough PNG. Think micro-wireless. Without communities, you will lack CAD. Your budget for disintermediating should be at least three times your budget for expediting. Quick: do you have a virtual plan of action for dealing with emerging all-hands meetings? Awards In Journalism practically invented the term "ROI metrics". Think intra-user-centric. We will regenerate our capability to architect without decrementing our ability to grow. The implementation factor can be summed up in one word: 60/60/24/7/365. What does the jargon-based commonly-used commonly-used commonly-used term "web-readiness" really mean? We have come to know that it is better to expedite transparently than to embrace transparently. What does it really mean to incentivize "ultra-perfectly"? Without well-planned cyber-next-generation reporting metrics, infomediaries are forced to become cross-platform. Imagine a combination of IIS and CSS. It seems astounding, but it's realistic! We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our R&D but our capacity to scale. Your budget for delivering should be at least one-tenth of your budget for scaling.