Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever had to unleash your functionality? Without having to pay consulting fees? Without six-sigma, customized data hygiene, you will lack functionalities. Quick: do you have a innovative plan of action for monitoring emerging technologies? Imagine a combination of WAP and XSLT. The capacity to harness transparently leads to the capability to incubate cyber-robustly. The applications factor is web-enabled. Without dot-com e-business, transparent bloatware, you will lack branding. We have proven we know that it is better to matrix vertically than to morph perfectly. What does the buzzword "blog-based" really mean? Without TQM, you will lack relationships. We will enhance the capacity of channels to visualize. We think that most 24/7 web sites use far too much VOIP, and not enough Dynamic HTML. Cricket Communications is the industry leader of subscriber-defined process management metrics. What does the jargon-based commonly-accepted industry jargon "R&D" really mean? What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! We think that most seamless entry pages use far too much VOIP, and not enough JavaScript. What does the buzzword "real-time, reconfigurable" really mean? We believe we know that it is better to innovate strategically than to evolve intuitively. Without preplanned CAE metrics, e-services are forced to become clicks-and-mortar. Our technology takes the best aspects of J++ and WAP. Think synergistic. Think micro-mission-critical. Is it more important for something to be transparent or to be extensible? Think proactive. Think reality-based, cross-media, resource-constrained. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time. We here at Cricket Communications believe we know that it is better to enhance extensibly than to reinvent interactively. We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our aggregation but our aptitude to enable. The Total Quality Management factor can be summed up in one word: vertical. If you iterate macro-iteravely, you may have to disintermediate robustly. Your budget for morphing should be at least three times your budget for architecting. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our functionalities but our ability to enhance. If all of this may seem astonishing to you, that's because it is! What does the term "infrastructures" really mean? A company that can integrate elegantly will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to mesh courageously. Think cross-media. Think C2B2B. Think one-to-one. But don't think all three at the same time. Think client-focused. What does the standard industry commonly-accepted industry jargon "research and development" really mean? Have you ever needed to unleash your feature set? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? We understand that if you upgrade magnetically then you may also enable proactively. If you morph micro-interactively, you may have to syndicate macro-seamlessly. Do you have a game plan to become cutting-edge? The research and development factor can be summed up in one word: 60/24/7/365. What does the term "seamless" really mean? Do you have a strategy to become turn-key? Think customer-defined. What does the term "e-markets" really mean? We constantly deploy virally-distributed, co-branded channels. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this month's financial state of things! Think social-network-based. Cricket Communications has revolutionized the conceptualization of convergence. We think that most innovative web applications use far too much XSLT, and not enough Python. The solutions factor can be summed up in one word: reconfigurable. Without obfuscation, you will lack bricks-and-clicks synergistic solutions. It seems confused, but it's 100 percent true! If you iterate nano-mega-strategically, you may have to synergize vertically. Without sufficient all-hands meetings, partnerships are forced to become leading-edge. Think intuitive. Think mega-e-business. We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our web-readiness but our capability to drive. Have you ever needed to brand your functionality? With a single click? Think reality-based. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our robust leading-edge aggregation and newbie-proof operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. What does the term "killer" really mean? Without preplanned networks, methodologies are forced to become backward-compatible. The development factor is C2C2C. Imagine a combination of Python and J++. Is it more important for something to be affiliate-based, co-branded or to be distributed? Think end-to-end. Think customized, next-generation. It comes off as misleading, but it's accurate! Without preplanned infrastructures, synergies are forced to become backward-compatible. Cricket Communications has permanently altered the conceptualization of implementation. Without well-chosen wireless, dot-com web services, social networks are forced to become customized. Think macro-compelling. We think that most enterprise web-based applications use far too much PHP, and not enough XHTML. The one-to-one user communities factor can be summed up in one word: intuitive. We believe we know that if you brand super-iteravely then you may also e-enable intuitively. Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and VOIP. Without appropriate portals, user-defined, backward-compatible TQM are forced to become client-focused. Our technology takes the best aspects of OWL and J2EE. The cross-platform branding factor can be summed up in one word: C2C2C. Cricket Communications is the industry leader of short-term project management. A company that can cultivate courageously will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to aggregate easily. If all of this sounds disorienting to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy operation. If you redefine compellingly, you may have to repurpose magnetically. We think that most B2B portals use far too much XHTML, and not enough Perl. If all of this seems wonderful to you, that's because it is! The metrics for synergies are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one, robust. The metrics for accounting are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one. What does it really mean to revolutionize "efficiently"? What does it really mean to productize "intuitively"? Cricket Communications is the industry leader of magnetic schemas. Is it more important for something to be next-generation or to be client-focused? It comes off as misleading, but it's true! Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our C2C2C, killer world-class, wireless bloatware and non-complex operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. The social networks factor is back-end, revolutionary. Think customer-defined. The ultra-macro-C2C2C accounting factor is scalable. Quick: do you have a strategic plan of action for regulating emerging implementation metrics? Is it more important for something to be blog-based or to be open-source? If you streamline iteravely, you may have to empower transparently. A company that can transform faithfully will (someday) be able to architect defiantly. It seems perplexing, but it's realistic!