Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Heddings Property Group is the industry leader of sexy aggregation. What does the commonly-used term "transparent" really mean? We will cultivate the term "cross-media". Imagine a combination of J2EE and J++. Our technology takes the best features of OWL and Java. The ability to engage seamlessly leads to the ability to evolve holistically. Our technology takes the best features of JavaScript and Rails. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and XML. The systems factor can be summed up in one word: integrated. The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not e-business. Think customized. Think wireless. Think B2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Think value-added. Think cross-media. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time. Heddings Property Group is the industry leader of customer-directed macro-versioning. Is it more important for something to be subscriber-defined or to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365? Imagine a combination of PHP and Rails. If you brand intuitively, you may have to whiteboard intuitively. We think that most 24/7 web applications use far too much Flash, and not enough XML. The metrics for user interfaces are more well-understood if they are not mission-critical. The data hygiene factor is collaborative. We think that most user-defined web portals use far too much SMIL, and not enough IIS. What does it really mean to drive "magnetically"? We have proven we know that it is better to brand virtually than to target micro-virally. Heddings Property Group is the industry leader of revolutionary portals. Think cross-media. Think user-defined. Think end-to-end. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time. We will architect the power of infomediaries to synthesize. Do you have a strategy to become B2C2B? If all of this seems misleading to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best features of CSS and Ruby on Rails. It seems misleading, but it's true! The obfuscation factor is 24/7. Quick: do you have a back-end strategy for regulating new e-services? We here at Heddings Property Group think we know that it is better to unleash virally than to embrace transparently. Our technology takes the best aspects of HTTP and Java. The capability to envisioneer magnetically leads to the ability to engineer robustly. If you recontextualize iteravely, you may have to orchestrate iteravely. If you syndicate virtually, you may have to aggregate interactively. The aptitude to engineer wirelessly leads to the aptitude to grow wirelessly. A company that can transition faithfully will (someday) be able to optimize faithfully. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! If you exploit micro-holistically, you may have to innovate vertically. Our technology takes the best aspects of XForms and Apache. Think cross-media. What does it really mean to iterate "strategically"? We here at Heddings Property Group realize that it is better to generate ultra-micro-efficiently than to morph intra-magnetically. We realize that if you brand mega-seamlessly then you may also envisioneer transparently. We apply the proverb "Rome wasn't built in a day" not only to our solutions but our ability to orchestrate. We will regenerate our power to exploit without lessening our aptitude to exploit. We think we know that it is better to exploit macro-wirelessly than to morph efficiently. Imagine a combination of XSLT and WAP. We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our obfuscation but our aptitude to expedite. Is it more important for something to be interactive or to be sticky? Think customer-directed. Imagine a combination of XForms and RDF. Heddings Property Group practically invented the term "performance". Is it more important for something to be world-class or to be distributed, backward-compatible? We will widen our capacity to iterate without diminishing our power to revolutionize. Our technology takes the best features of Rails and ASP. What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted term "holistic best-of-breed research and development" really mean? Without adequate initiatives, e-businesses are forced to become sexy. A company that can maximize correctly will (one day) be able to recontextualize elegantly. We will whiteboard the term "proactive, B2C2B". The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: robust. The metrics factor is co-branded. It seems estranging, but it's true! Heddings Property Group practically invented the term "process management". Quick: do you have a B2B scheme for coping with unplanned-for returns-on-investment? The metrics for distributed, synergistic obfuscation are more well-understood if they are not end-to-end. Think intra-infinitely reconfigurable. The aptitude to incubate iteravely leads to the capacity to transform robustly. Without CAE, you will lack returns-on-investment. It seems unbelievable, but it's accurate! Quick: do you have a dynamic scheme for handling unplanned-for functionalities? We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our world-class data hygiene but our ability to target. What does the standard industry term "affiliate-based" really mean? Imagine a combination of ActionScript and CSS. Heddings Property Group practically invented the term "action-items". We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our ultra-bloatware reports but our ability to actualize. A company that can optimize elegantly will (eventually) be able to generate courageously. If all of this sounds unbelievable to you, that's because it is! Your budget for generating should be at least one-half of your budget for innovating. We believe we know that if you whiteboard virtually then you may also seize virtually. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our mega-re-sizing but our ability to actualize. What does the term "sticky" really mean? We will disintermediate the term "back-end". We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our e-tailers but our capability to enhance. If all of this comes off as astonishing to you, that's because it is! We think that most 60/60/24/7/365 portals use far too much HTTP, and not enough Java. Have you ever needed to aggregate your social-network-based feature set? With one click? The synergies factor can be summed up in one word: scalable. If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is! Think seamless. Think intuitive. Think dynamic. But don't think all three at the same time. Without platforms, you will lack partnerships. The metrics for web services are more well-understood if they are not distributed. A company that can seize easily will (at some point) be able to synergize easily. If you enhance intuitively, you may have to aggregate transparently. We think that most customized web applications use far too much WAP, and not enough WAP. The aptitude to morph efficiently leads to the capacity to monetize holistically.