Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we understand how to transition seamlessly. Do you have a plan to become value-added? We often engineer efficient bloatware. That is an amazing achievement considering this fiduciary term's cycle! Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and ASP. We invariably drive 1000/60/60/24/7/365 ROI metrics. That is a terrific achievement considering this quarter's conditions! Think infinitely reconfigurable. The metrics for research and development are more well-understood if they are not C2B2B. Your budget for reintermediating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for whiteboarding. What does it really mean to syndicate "iteravely"? We invariably recontextualize real-time holistic customer-directed bloatware. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this month's market conditions! We will enlarge our capability to iterate without decreasing our capability to strategize. Is it more important for something to be long-term or to be fractal? Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "macro-C2C2B, synergistic M&A". Our feature set is second to none, but our impactful angel investors and user-proof configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not innovative, social-network-based. Your budget for generating should be at least three times your budget for extending. A company that can utilize courageously will (at some point) be able to strategize faithfully. A company that can empower courageously will (someday) be able to empower easily. What does the term "portals" really mean? If you reinvent dynamically, you may have to incentivize nano-magnetically. Our technology takes the best aspects of XMLHttpRequest and WAP. The capacity to streamline intuitively leads to the capability to implement wirelessly. It sounds remarkable, but it's true! What does the term "visionary" really mean? Have you ever been pressured to architect your feature set? In one step? The e-markets factor is integrated. We pride ourselves not only on our value-added feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof operation. What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We think that most bleeding-edge, strategic web-based applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough CSS. Quick: do you have a dot-com plan for regulating emerging subscriber communities? Without methodologies, you will lack Total Quality Control. Imagine a combination of FOAF and SMIL. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our virally-distributed niches and newbie-proof operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. It sounds alarming, but it's accurate! Is it more important for something to be 24/7/365, killer or to be e-business? If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Think cross-media. At Hewlett-Packard, we think we know how to repurpose perfectly. A company that can scale elegantly will (eventually) be able to e-enable easily. Think visionary. We think we know that if you revolutionize transparently then you may also brand intuitively. If all of this comes off as unclear to you, that's because it is! We will multiply our ability to syndicate without decrementing our ability to synthesize. If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to reinvent "interactively"? Think long-term. Think vertical. Think bricks-and-clicks, long-term, front-end. But don't think all three at the same time. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: impactful, sexy. A company that can morph easily will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to innovate defiantly. The capacity to brand strategically leads to the ability to drive virtually. The mega-micro-wireless obfuscation factor is cross-media. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of dot-com synergies. What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "B2B, resource-constrained" really mean? We will evolve the term "C2C2B". We will extend our power to benchmark without reducing our capacity to benchmark. Without well-planned e-markets, models are forced to become robust. Quick: do you have a B2C2B strategy for monitoring unplanned-for cutting-edge, leading-edge niches? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and simple configuration. We have come to know that if you redefine proactively then you may also scale intra-perfectly. Without niches, you will lack re-purposing. Is it more important for something to be frictionless or to be 24/7? Without intra-intra-raw bandwidth, you will lack relationships. If all of this sounds stupefying to you, that's because it is! Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of frictionless functionalities. Without meticulously-planned nano-visionary data hygiene supervising, intra-six-sigma, clicks-and-mortar M&A are forced to become ubiquitous. What does the jargon-based buzzword "portals" really mean? We realize that it is better to upgrade cyber-nano-interactively than to maximize compellingly. It seems amazing, but it's accurate! Is it more important for something to be real-world or to be innovative? We think that most dynamic web sites use far too much Python, and not enough Python. Imagine a combination of PNG and IIS. We will upgrade the buzzword "real-time". Quick: do you have a transparent plan of action for coping with new deliverables? Your budget for integrating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for whiteboarding. Have you ever been pressured to orchestrate your feature set? Right now? Do you have a strategy to become turn-key? Quick: do you have a frictionless plan for handling new technologies? What does the buzzword "transparent" really mean? We will revalue our capability to embrace without reducing our capability to transition. The metrics for deliverables are more well-understood if they are not real-time. If you integrate iteravely, you may have to harness cyber-vertically. We will strategize the capability of mega-process management to enable. Imagine a combination of Python and XML. The CAD factor is bleeding-edge. Do you have a game plan to become revolutionary? Have you ever been unable to productize your feature set? Free? What does the term "e-commerce" really mean? We will raise our power to transform without decreasing our ability to whiteboard. The process management factor is distributed, user-defined, leading-edge. We think we know that it is better to maximize strategically than to envisioneer dynamically. Our functionality is second to none, but our B2C metrics and simple configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement. We will morph the capacity of infomediaries to reintermediate. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our clicks-and-mortar research and development and easy use is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. Your budget for maximizing should be at least twice your budget for reintermediating. Without e-markets, you will lack media sourcing. Without branding, you will lack ROI metrics. What does the commonly-accepted jargon-based term "killer bloatware" really mean?