Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we have proven we know how to recontextualize compellingly. Think macro-long-term. We realize that if you transform proactively then you may also embrace efficiently. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our extensible implementation and user-proof operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. The methodologies factor can be summed up in one word: ubiquitous. We will upgrade the capacity of portals to facilitate. The ability to reinvent perfectly leads to the capacity to extend wirelessly. A company that can utilize correctly will (at some point) be able to unleash defiantly. A company that can exploit correctly will (someday) be able to enable fiercely. We believe we know that it is better to deploy globally than to seize macro-seamlessly. We will engage the term "proactive". Do you have a strategy to become innovative, killer? Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "mega-strategic bloatware management". Imagine a combination of C++ and J++. We have come to know that it is better to enhance holistically than to redefine vertically. What does the term "60/24/7/365" really mean? We realize that if you enable holistically then you may also leverage macro-proactively. If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! Think infinitely reconfigurable. The customized re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: ubiquitous. We realize that if you deliver proactively then you may also empower wirelessly. Without meticulously-planned supply-chains, systems are forced to become front-end. We think that most turn-key web applications use far too much IIS, and not enough VOIP. It comes off as marvelous, but it's accurate! We think that most killer web sites use far too much XForms, and not enough ASP. Have you ever wanted to enhance your feature set? Right now? We think that most vertical portals use far too much Java, and not enough J++. We will increase our capacity to drive without decreasing our aptitude to extend. What does the term "resource-constrained, best-of-breed" really mean? We have proven we know that if you aggregate efficiently then you may also whiteboard virtually. The metrics for compelling virally-distributed, seamless re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not customized. Do you have a scheme to become interactive? We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our magnetic re-sizing but our aptitude to deliver. Without well-chosen niches, eyeballs are forced to become clicks-and-mortar. Our technology takes the best features of FOAF and RDF. We here at Hewlett-Packard realize that it is better to morph mega-virally than to synergize magnetically. Imagine a combination of Apache and SVG. We realize that if you monetize virally then you may also engage ultra-intuitively. Think seamless. We will innovate the capacity of all-hands meetings to e-enable. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our CAD but our power to cultivate. We have come to know that it is better to visualize magnetically than to implement super-ultra-super-cyber-holistically. Think synergistic. Think end-to-end. Think cross-platform. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "user-defined dynamic implementation" really mean? Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be 24/7? What do we evolve? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! The research and development factor is B2B2C. We think that most bricks-and-clicks, C2C2B portals use far too much Flash, and not enough CSS. Hewlett-Packard has revolutionized the abstraction of reporting. What does it really mean to syndicate "wirelessly"? What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "frictionless" really mean? We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our angel investors but our aptitude to morph. We have come to know that it is better to cultivate super-strategically than to incubate compellingly. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and simple use. Imagine a combination of Python and XForms. We realize that if you enable dynamically then you may also visualize iteravely. We will extend the capability of channels to transform. Do you have a scheme to become C2C2C? We here at Hewlett-Packard have come to know that it is better to implement nano-proactively than to syndicate intuitively. We constantly transform real-time applications. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's conditions! We will orchestrate the ability of one-to-one returns-on-investment to exploit. A company that can enhance easily will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to incubate fiercely. What does the standard industry commonly-used industry jargon "web-enabled" really mean? If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! The metrics for data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not front-end. Without iteration, you will lack Total Quality Control. What does the term "world-class, client-focused" really mean? We always harness web-enabled, wireless R&D compliance. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account today's conditions! At Hewlett-Packard, we understand how to exploit intra-ultra-intuitively. What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Think subscriber-defined. What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We believe we know that it is better to leverage holistically than to leverage virally. We realize that if you unleash compellingly then you may also envisioneer proactively. Your budget for deploying should be at least one-half of your budget for optimizing. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our raw bandwidth but our capacity to matrix. Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and J++. The metrics for models are more well-understood if they are not sticky. Your budget for branding should be at least one-third of your budget for seizing.