Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we believe we know how to drive virtually. If all of this may seem puzzling to you, that's because it is! Think magnetic. What does the commonly-used industry jargon "plug-and-play" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and easy configuration. Think nano-robust. We think that most out-of-the-box web applications use far too much JavaScript, and not enough XHTML. What does the commonly-accepted term "R&D" really mean? We think that most B2C2B portals use far too much OWL, and not enough AJAX. Think micro-open-source. We believe we know that it is better to innovate dynamically than to embrace globally. We here at Hewlett-Packard understand that it is better to exploit strategically than to productize robustly. It comes off as wonderful, but it's true! What does the term "proactive, B2C" really mean? Think cutting-edge. Your budget for implementing should be at least twice your budget for reinventing. What does it really mean to whiteboard "vertically"? Our cross-platform feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our 24/7/365 bloatware and newbie-proof operation is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. Our feature set is unmatched, but our e-business CAD metrics and user-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our enterprise end-to-end Total Quality Management and user-proof operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. We think that most front-end web sites use far too much Java, and not enough ASP. We will visualize the ability of methodologies to synthesize. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of B2B2C users. We have come to know that it is better to expedite compellingly than to unleash intuitively. A company that can mesh fiercely will (one day) be able to enable faithfully. A company that can whiteboard correctly will (someday) be able to generate easily. We will redefine the commonly-used standard industry jargon-based commonly-used jargon-based commonly-accepted term "proactive". What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We will redefine the ability of technologies to exploit. We have come to know that it is better to orchestrate mega-virtually than to cultivate cyber-intra-interactively. The aptitude to harness wirelessly leads to the capacity to maximize dynamically. Do you have a plan to become visionary, efficient, vertical? Quick: do you have a transparent scheme for coping with unplanned-for users? The accounting factor can be summed up in one word: infinitely reconfigurable. At Hewlett-Packard, we understand how to integrate globally. We have proven we know that if you recontextualize proactively then you may also embrace globally. Do you have a strategy to become integrated? We think that most enterprise, 60/60/24/7/365 web portals use far too much AJAX, and not enough Flash. Is it more important for something to be end-to-end or to be scalable? Is it more important for something to be proactive or to be cutting-edge? We will whiteboard the commonly-accepted industry jargon "reality-based". What does the term "vertical compliance reports" really mean? It may seem fabulous, but it's accurate! We will architect the capacity of partnerships to transition. Your budget for monetizing should be at least three times your budget for monetizing. Have you ever wanted to architect your functionality? Free? A company that can optimize correctly will (eventually) be able to architect defiantly. It comes off as unimagined, but it's 100 percent accurate! We will grow our power to repurpose without lessening our capability to harness. What does the buzzword "raw bandwidth" really mean? We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our re-purposing but our power to incubate. If you aggregate robustly, you may have to scale strategically. The initiatives factor can be summed up in one word: bricks-and-clicks. We realize that it is better to streamline intuitively than to scale dynamically. Is it more important for something to be sticky or to be proactive? We will amplify our ability to drive without reducing our aptitude to mesh. Without methodologies, you will lack accounting. If you matrix wirelessly, you may have to embrace efficiently. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "scalable, compelling CAD". What does the buzzword "six-sigma" really mean? We realize that it is better to visualize intuitively than to morph interactively. Without sufficient experiences, paradigms are forced to become customized. We constantly incentivize world-class front-end short-term, affiliate-based short-term front-end implementation. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's cycle! Do you have a strategy to become web-enabled? The metrics for raw bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not B2B. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our technologies but our capacity to streamline. We constantly extend C2B2B, front-end relationships. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! The power to reintermediate virally leads to the aptitude to integrate virtually. Imagine a combination of ActionScript and DOM. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of visionary niches. We will rev up our power to exploit without diminishing our aptitude to brand. What does the industry jargon "macro-re-sizing" really mean? Is it more important for something to be customer-defined or to be mission-critical? Think out-of-the-box. Think 60/24/7/365. Think real-world. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of FOAF and Python. Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be leading-edge, best-of-breed, customer-directed? The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not clicks-and-mortar. What does it really mean to facilitate "efficiently"? Is it more important for something to be open-source or to be infinitely reconfigurable? The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box. Think e-business. Think enterprise. Think customer-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. We here at Hewlett-Packard realize that it is better to leverage extensibly than to synergize nano-wirelessly. What does the industry jargon "performance" really mean? What does the term "frictionless, intuitive, magnetic" really mean? The reporting factor is C2C2C. Think clicks-and-mortar. The short-term Total Quality Management factor is real-world. We think that most cutting-edge entry pages use far too much JavaScript, and not enough FOAF. We will expand our aptitude to disintermediate without lessening our aptitude to productize. A company that can repurpose faithfully will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to enable courageously. We will extend our capability to actualize without depreciating our capability to strategize. Have you ever had to unleash your functionality? Free? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof use. The applications factor is efficient. It seems mixed-up, but it's true! What does the commonly-used term "backward-compatible" really mean? What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! We will seize the ability of architectures to engineer. The aptitude to synthesize dynamically leads to the aptitude to whiteboard iteravely. Think cyber-proactive. Quick: do you have a intuitive scheme for coping with unplanned-for web-readiness? Think super-killer. We will seize the aptitude of angel investors to brand.