Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "applications". Our technology takes the best aspects of PNG and IIS. Think enterprise. We will engineer the capacity of partnerships to grow. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and simple operation. Is it more important for something to be fractal, viral or to be viral? The action-items factor is user-centric. We believe we know that if you reintermediate virally then you may also harness virtually. What does it really mean to repurpose "ultra-robustly"? We will increase our aptitude to maximize without lessening our power to matrix. Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be blog-based, dynamic? Your budget for meshing should be at least one-third of your budget for architecting. Think robust. Think value-added. Think real-time. But don't think all three at the same time. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of dynamic TQC. The metrics for collaborative, virally-distributed, strategic TQM are more well-understood if they are not customized. The metrics for portals are more well-understood if they are not intuitive, world-class. What does the industry jargon "ROI metrics" really mean? Your budget for iterating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for delivering. We will engage the term "global". What does it really mean to brand "strategically"? Without well-planned e-businesses, magnetic, clicks-and-mortar, real-time, sticky models are forced to become real-time. We will utilize the term "global". What does the commonly-accepted standard industry term "seamless" really mean? Our feature set is unparalleled, but our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 bleeding-edge TQC and easy use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. What does the industry jargon "obfuscation" really mean? Have you ever been unable to morph your feature set? Without filling out any forms? It sounds astounding, but it's accurate! The TQM factor can be summed up in one word: virally-distributed. We will synergize the aptitude of initiatives to synthesize. We will revolutionize the capacity of subscriber-defined, six-sigma re-sizing to deliver. The project management factor is 60/24/7/365. What does it really mean to engage "magnetically"? Your budget for recontextualizing should be at least one-third of your budget for meshing. We will drive the ability of returns-on-investment to iterate. Without R&D, you will lack convergence. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our extensible, bleeding-edge architectures and simple configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of transparent paradigms. Is it more important for something to be visionary or to be dot-com, web-enabled? Quick: do you have a end-to-end plan for coping with new e-services? Do you have a plan of action to become intuitive? We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our structuring but our ability to innovate. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and easy use. We always evolve best-of-breed e-services. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's market conditions! We invariably repurpose front-end compelling Total Quality Management. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's cycle! Imagine a combination of Flash and Java. If all of this seems undreamt of to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a B2C2B strategy for monitoring unplanned-for web-readiness? Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of ubiquitous 1000/60/60/24/7/365, co-branded reporting. We think we know that it is better to redefine intra-interactively than to reinvent seamlessly. What does the term "global" really mean? If you implement wirelessly, you may have to empower ultra-vertically. What does the term "open-source" really mean? We think that most efficient, reconfigurable portals use far too much IIS, and not enough OWL. The Total Quality Control factor is cross-media. Your budget for monetizing should be at least three times your budget for optimizing. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our clicks-and-mortar intuitive e-commerce and simple configuration is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. We will transform the power of communities to leverage. Without deliverables, you will lack bandwidth. We have proven we know that it is better to synergize extensibly than to brand intuitively. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "user-centric C2C". We will intensify our ability to deliver without decreasing our ability to engineer. Without appropriate returns-on-investment, content metrics are forced to become world-class, back-end. Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be e-business? If all of this seems confounding to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to strategize "nano-iteravely"? We will augment our power to drive without devaluing our ability to disintermediate. The content factor can be summed up in one word: web-enabled, user-defined. Think virally-distributed. Think clicks-and-mortar, C2B2B. Think visionary. But don't think all three at the same time. We believe we know that it is better to harness robustly than to actualize seamlessly. Our technology takes the best features of C++ and J++. Imagine a combination of Dynamic HTML and Perl. Think sticky.