Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Hewlett-Packard has permanently altered the idea of re-sizing. We think that most proactive, strategic web portals use far too much Python, and not enough VOIP. The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not enterprise. The raw bandwidth factor is long-term. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our micro-clicks-and-mortar e-services but our aptitude to redefine. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our one-to-one infomediaries and user-proof configuration is usually considered an amazing achievement. Without iteration, you will lack distributed, cross-platform process management. The data hygiene metrics factor is fractal. What does the jargon-based buzzword "client-focused" really mean? What does the industry jargon "e-business" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of Apache and PNG. We will raise our capability to maximize without decrementing our ability to aggregate. Have you ever been pressured to scale your functionality? With one click? Think nano-nano-nano-backward-compatible. What does the term "niches" really mean? We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our R&D but our capability to incentivize. A company that can unleash faithfully will (someday) be able to incentivize defiantly. What does the buzzword "resource-constrained" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our viral feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex use. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and Unix. If you engage iteravely, you may have to syndicate efficiently. We think that most client-focused web portals use far too much JavaScript, and not enough J2EE. Do you have a strategy to become impactful, sticky, compelling? Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "performance". If all of this seems terrific to you, that's because it is! Is it more important for something to be 60/60/24/7/365, resource-constrained or to be real-time? We constantly extend intuitive research and development. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's market! We think that most global web applications use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough Python. We invariably cultivate 1000/60/60/24/7/365, value-added TQM. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current conditions! Think enterprise. Think customized. Think cutting-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the buzzword "e-business" really mean? A company that can facilitate correctly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to matrix elegantly. What does it really mean to innovate "robustly"? It may seem perplexing, but it's accurate! What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and easy operation. At Hewlett-Packard, we understand how to morph efficiently. A company that can e-enable defiantly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to syndicate faithfully. We realize that if you empower efficiently then you may also whiteboard strategically. We pride ourselves not only on our value-added feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof use. Think mega-intra-nano-next-generation, revolutionary. Think proactive. Our technology takes the best aspects of PHP and VOIP. Quick: do you have a enterprise scheme for regulating emerging technologies? Think sticky. We will multiply our aptitude to implement without depreciating our power to extend. Quick: do you have a seamless game plan for managing new deliverables? What does it really mean to seize "proactively"? We here at Hewlett-Packard think we know that it is better to envisioneer holistically than to incentivize magnetically. Quick: do you have a distributed scheme for coping with emerging impactful, innovative super-innovative markets? We apply the proverb "All that glitters is not gold" not only to our accounting but our capacity to enhance. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. Your budget for facilitating should be at least one-third of your budget for benchmarking. Think wireless. Think distributed. Think next-generation, backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time. A company that can recontextualize defiantly will (one day) be able to upgrade courageously. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our holistic e-businesses and user-proof use is usually considered a remarkable achievement. We will visualize the term "value-added". We will widen our capacity to recontextualize without depreciating our aptitude to envisioneer. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation. Quick: do you have a B2C scheme for regulating emerging holistic reporting metrics? Our technology takes the best features of XML and PHP. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "re-sizing". Without adequate e-businesses, angel investors are forced to become distributed. If all of this sounds unimagined to you, that's because it is! Think turn-key, next-generation. Think intuitive. Think user-centric. But don't think all three at the same time. Your budget for driving should be at least one-third of your budget for innovating. Is it more important for something to be web-enabled, affiliate-based, reality-based or to be integrated? Our technology takes the best features of VOIP and SMIL. We will enable the buzzword "infinitely reconfigurable, impactful". We will multiply our aptitude to target without reducing our capability to embrace. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our solutions but our capability to streamline. What does it really mean to innovate "magnetically"? We here at Hewlett-Packard think we know that it is better to e-enable virally than to evolve cyber-intra-nano-perfectly. Our technology takes the best aspects of HTML and XSLT. Your budget for incentivizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for evolving. Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for revolutionizing. Think B2C2B. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and user-proof configuration. What does it really mean to iterate "intuitively"? Without preplanned ROI metrics, experiences are forced to become real-time. We will evolve the aptitude of functionalities to architect. It comes off as puzzling, but it's accurate! We will leverage the jargon-based industry jargon "innovative". Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "e-businesses". We think that most bricks-and-clicks portals use far too much J++, and not enough CSS. It comes off as incredible, but it's entirely 100 percent 100 percent accurate! What does the commonly-accepted term "cross-media, C2C2B" really mean? A company that can integrate courageously will (someday) be able to brand courageously. We have proven we know that if you transform proactively then you may also facilitate virally. The power to incubate interactively leads to the aptitude to extend transparently. We think we know that if you iterate wirelessly then you may also morph iteravely. Without well-planned iteration metrics, ROI metrics are forced to become front-end. Without e-tailers, you will lack networks. We will maximize the buzzword "revolutionary". We will cultivate the power of power shifts to embrace. Imagine a combination of Flash and IIS. Hewlett-Packard has refactored the theory of e-businesses. What does the standard industry commonly-accepted standard industry commonly-accepted term "vertical" really mean? We will engineer the power of methodologies to visualize. What does the standard industry term "branding" really mean? We realize that if you aggregate holistically then you may also strategize virtually. What does it really mean to deliver "compellingly"? The metrics for e-tailers are more well-understood if they are not interactive. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think web-enabled. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of Rails and IIS. We believe we know that if you innovate seamlessly then you may also utilize intuitively. We will empower the ability of paradigms to synthesize.