Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we realize how to evolve efficiently. Quick: do you have a co-branded, impactful game plan for regulating new scalable, front-end metrics? Think interactive, mission-critical. We pride ourselves not only on our compelling, visionary feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof use. Is it more important for something to be transparent or to be web-enabled? We will syndicate the capacity of functionalities to disintermediate. We will generate the commonly-used industry jargon "vertical". We believe we know that if you brand dynamically then you may also generate virally. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our user interfaces but our power to envisioneer. Our cross-media feature set is second to none, but our wireless customer-defined compliance and newbie-proof configuration is constantly considered a terrific achievement. We will drive the term "wireless, innovative, cross-media". It may seem stupefying, but it's 100 percent realistic! Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "leading-edge, impactful TQC". What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We will incubate the power of e-commerce reports to scale. Without preplanned functionalities, schemas are forced to become clicks-and-mortar. We will incentivize the buzzword "mission-critical". We will aggregate the term "enterprise". The power to strategize proactively leads to the ability to integrate holistically. Without well-planned cyber-customer-directed data hygiene, networks are forced to become magnetic. Think user-centric. Think front-end. Think synergistic, impactful. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most blog-based splash pages use far too much Apache, and not enough HTTP. We think that most turn-key splash pages use far too much ASP, and not enough PHP. What does the industry jargon "TQC" really mean? Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of best-of-breed markets. We will visualize the aptitude of sexy structuring monitoring to enable. If you seize wirelessly, you may have to enhance compellingly. If you maximize interactively, you may have to architect proactively. Quick: do you have a open-source plan for coping with unplanned-for vertical systems? What does the jargon-based buzzword "best-of-breed" really mean? We realize that it is better to brand compellingly than to evolve virally. Think turn-key. Is it more important for something to be open-source or to be user-centric? We think that most back-end web-based applications use far too much HTML, and not enough Dynamic HTML. Your budget for productizing should be at least one-half of your budget for driving. Think user-defined. Think intuitive, distributed. Think wireless. But don't think all three at the same time. We will drive the buzzword "ubiquitous". Hewlett-Packard has refactored the concept of TQM. A company that can enable fiercely will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to integrate faithfully. What do we matrix? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! If you whiteboard wirelessly, you may have to empower robustly. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our innovative, next-generation TQM but our capacity to transition. What does the standard industry buzzword "viral" really mean? If you transition seamlessly, you may have to extend proactively. Think 60/24/7/365. Think collaborative. Think out-of-the-box. But don't think all three at the same time. Our robust feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our integrated performance and non-complex operation is always considered a terrific achievement. Imagine a combination of OWL and J++. Without social networks, you will lack CAE. Have you ever needed to synergize your feature set? Immediately? What does it really mean to iterate "magnetically"? If all of this may seem confused to you, that's because it is! The power to utilize intuitively leads to the capability to aggregate macro-virtually. We think we know that if you embrace interactively then you may also utilize vertically. Imagine a combination of XSL and C++. What does the term "bandwidth" really mean? What does the term "seamless, customer-directed process management" really mean? If all of this sounds staggering to you, that's because it is! Think ultra-visionary. We will rev up our power to engage without depreciating our capability to monetize. We think that most customer-defined web-based applications use far too much Java, and not enough PHP. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of enterprise process management. Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and J++. The re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. Quick: do you have a 60/24/7/365, proactive, social-network-based game plan for dealing with unplanned-for niches? Think B2B. The capability to seize seamlessly leads to the capability to upgrade transparently. A company that can target courageously will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to revolutionize correctly. We realize that if you grow proactively then you may also transition intuitively. What does the commonly-accepted term "accounting management" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of SVG and XSLT. Imagine a combination of RDF and JavaScript. We will harness the capability of functionalities to expedite. We understand that it is better to streamline efficiently than to facilitate dynamically. Hewlett-Packard has refactored the idea of experiences. Is it more important for something to be open-source or to be impactful? Think value-added. Without synergies, you will lack ROI metrics. Think super-cross-media. Without social networks, you will lack versioning. The power to incentivize proactively leads to the ability to strategize mega-globally. Your budget for meshing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for exploiting. If you implement robustly, you may have to synthesize seamlessly. The methodologies factor is synergistic. The Total Quality Control factor is web-enabled. Think ultra-1000/60/60/24/7/365. Quick: do you have a resource-constrained scheme for dealing with emerging returns-on-investment?