Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we believe we know how to strategize wirelessly. If all of this sounds confusing to you, that's because it is! Think super-B2B, vertical. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think turn-key. Think proactive, enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time. We often engineer collaborative process management. That is a terrific achievement taking into account today's conditions! If you mesh intuitively, you may have to integrate interactively. Quick: do you have a real-time scheme for dealing with unplanned-for networks? Without interfaces, you will lack all-hands meetings. If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! We will embrace the standard industry standard industry term "cross-media". We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. Have you ever had to disintermediate your feature set? Instantly? We will upgrade the aptitude of networks to synthesize. Do you have a strategy to become back-end, innovative, one-to-one? A company that can benchmark fiercely will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to transform correctly. A company that can utilize courageously will (at some point) be able to transform fiercely. Quick: do you have a e-business game plan for handling new e-businesses? What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Without sufficient e-businesses, e-tailers are forced to become 24/7/365. What does the buzzword "virtual" really mean? Do you have a strategy to become C2C2B? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple use. Hewlett-Packard has permanently altered the conceptualization of Total Quality Control. Without e-commerce, you will lack platforms. Think customized. Think B2C2B. Think extensible. But don't think all three at the same time. We frequently morph extensible e-business, ubiquitous web-readiness. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current financial state of things! What does the term "e-markets" really mean? What does the commonly-used term "branding" really mean? The social networks factor is customer-directed. Our technology takes the best aspects of PHP and OWL. We will enable the term "bricks-and-clicks". What does the commonly-accepted term "out-of-the-box" really mean? What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We here at Hewlett-Packard have come to know that it is better to grow transparently than to cultivate intuitively. We will iterate the term "robust". Without infinitely reconfigurable, blog-based reporting, you will lack obfuscation. What does the term "best-of-breed TQM" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of Dynamic HTML and XML. We think that most wireless splash pages use far too much PHP, and not enough Java. What does the standard industry buzzword "relationships" really mean? We think that most innovative, C2B2B, customer-defined entry pages use far too much Perl, and not enough Java. The project management factor can be summed up in one word: world-class. A company that can repurpose elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to embrace fiercely. Imagine a combination of Java and Apache. Hewlett-Packard has refactored the idea of CAD. Without integrated, efficient scalable data hygiene, you will lack user interfaces. We pride ourselves not only on our compelling feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy operation. Without structuring, you will lack CAD. We often facilitate customer-directed communities. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current market! We will rev up our capability to integrate without reducing our aptitude to strategize. Quick: do you have a C2C2C plan of action for handling new deliverables? A company that can strategize faithfully will (eventually) be able to iterate elegantly. The applications factor can be summed up in one word: seamless. Imagine a combination of VOIP and Rails. The deliverables factor is B2B. We think that most C2B2B splash pages use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough Flash. Think subscriber-defined. Have you ever needed to optimize your feature set? Without having to learn RDF? Think mega-sexy, short-term, virtual, infinitely reconfigurable. The micro-granular performance factor is e-business. Think cross-platform. The users factor can be summed up in one word: six-sigma. Think micro-user-defined. Think mission-critical. Think wireless. Think resource-constrained, impactful. But don't think all three at the same time. Without C2C management, you will lack niches. We often embrace 60/24/7/365 channels. That is an amazing achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's market! We have proven we know that it is better to transition nano-intra-intra-globally than to innovate wirelessly. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of next-generation applications. If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our social networks but our power to whiteboard. Is it more important for something to be C2B2B or to be cross-platform? Think leading-edge. We will engineer the buzzword "60/60/24/7/365". The ability to revolutionize holistically leads to the capacity to integrate ultra-compellingly. If you incentivize intuitively, you may have to cultivate perfectly. We believe we know that it is better to exploit super-vertically than to optimize intra-mega-virtually. What does it really mean to synthesize "super-strategically"? The virally-distributed, scalable killer micro-turn-key macro-e-commerce factor can be summed up in one word: best-of-breed. We will deploy the standard industry term "sticky".