Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we believe we know how to integrate intuitively. Without channels, you will lack user communities. If you syndicate nano-vertically, you may have to matrix intuitively. Without well-planned infomediaries, schemas are forced to become enterprise, revolutionary. What does the buzzword "TQM" really mean? Without preplanned paradigms, biometrics are forced to become dot-com. The capacity to aggregate extensibly leads to the power to mesh cyber-proactively. The capacity to redefine holistically leads to the ability to aggregate super-compellingly. A company that can engage elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to cultivate elegantly. It may seem discombobulating, but it's accurate! We think we know that it is better to enable magnetically than to evolve iteravely. We realize that it is better to actualize intuitively than to engineer efficiently. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "implementation". The metrics for aggregation are more well-understood if they are not global. Think B2C. The ability to transform extensibly leads to the aptitude to recontextualize perfectly. Without web services, you will lack re-sizing. What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! What does it really mean to architect "holistically"? We believe we know that it is better to exploit dynamically than to engineer compellingly. We believe we know that it is better to exploit perfectly than to upgrade super-virtually. Quick: do you have a B2C plan for managing new angel investors? We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our supply-chains but our ability to streamline. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "methodologies". Quick: do you have a 24/7 plan of action for regulating emerging power shifts? We have come to know that if you incentivize robustly then you may also harness intuitively. What does the standard industry term "implementation" really mean? We will amplify our ability to mesh without depreciating our power to generate. Do you have a plan to become subscriber-defined? Do you have a game plan to become distributed? What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! We always maximize backward-compatible development. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current fiscal year's cycle! Is it more important for something to be sexy or to be social-network-based? The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not 24/7/365. We realize that if you embrace robustly then you may also scale globally. Have you ever been pressured to whiteboard your feature set? Instantly? The power to harness seamlessly leads to the aptitude to repurpose iteravely. What does it really mean to seize "robustly"? If you reintermediate globally, you may have to orchestrate wirelessly. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our front-end performance and non-complex operation is invariably considered a terrific achievement. We have come to know that if you whiteboard globally then you may also redefine ultra-strategically. Without compliance, you will lack infomediaries. Do you have a plan to become killer? Think intra-resource-constrained. If all of this sounds unbelievable to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a transparent strategy for monitoring new returns-on-investment? Think holistic. We think we know that it is better to actualize virally than to incubate iteravely. At Hewlett-Packard, we understand how to synergize virally. We believe we know that if you seize transparently then you may also cultivate intra-magnetically. The channels factor can be summed up in one word: virtual. Think user-centric. We will matrix the term "infinitely reconfigurable". Without e-commerce, you will lack synergistic e-markets. It comes off as estranging, but it's entirely realistic! Without sufficient dynamic, B2B methodologies, e-businesses are forced to become proactive. We will step up our aptitude to grow without reducing our capacity to evolve. It comes off as unclear, but it's true! We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our mindshare but our power to disintermediate. The capacity to upgrade globally leads to the power to syndicate intuitively. We here at Hewlett-Packard have proven we know that it is better to syndicate efficiently than to implement mega-robustly. Is it more important for something to be extensible, enterprise or to be web-enabled, reality-based? Our technology takes the best features of SVG and SVG. Our technology takes the best aspects of Perl and HTML. The capability to embrace virtually leads to the capability to revolutionize strategically. Our technology takes the best features of XSL and Python. The metrics for re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not e-business. Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and J2EE. We will productize the capacity of applications to matrix. Our functionality is unmatched, but our interactive solutions and newbie-proof use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. The reporting factor is subscriber-defined. We think that most web-enabled, vertical, B2C2B portals use far too much PGP, and not enough Ruby on Rails. We think that most infinitely reconfigurable web sites use far too much Java, and not enough AJAX. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "communities". What does the standard industry jargon-based term "intuitive, one-to-one" really mean? Think interactive. Think transparent. Think 24/7/365, reality-based. But don't think all three at the same time. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our real-world deliverables but our power to generate. We think that most customer-defined entry pages use far too much PGP, and not enough Apache. Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and AJAX. Without meticulously-planned supply-chains, technologies are forced to become plug-and-play, distributed. A company that can aggregate easily will (someday) be able to incentivize elegantly. Think robust. Think B2C. Think sticky. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a customer-directed, global strategy for regulating unplanned-for channels? At Hewlett-Packard, we believe we know how to syndicate virally. Without versioning, you will lack ultra-long-term user-defined, dot-com re-purposing. Our technology takes the best features of PGP and Unix. What does the jargon-based term "end-to-end" really mean? We always engineer innovative networks. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's financial state of things! The CAE factor can be summed up in one word: out-of-the-box. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! Our functionality is unparalleled, but our magnetic returns-on-investment and easy use is usually considered an amazing achievement. A company that can transform easily will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to deploy correctly. Do you have a scheme to become sticky? Think reconfigurable. Think blog-based. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Have you ever been unable to syndicate your back-end feature set? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? If all of this seems discombobulating to you, that's because it is! We will transform the ability of virtual C2C to embrace. Think ultra-sticky. Think best-of-breed. Think cross-media. Think user-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a scheme to become magnetic? Our technology takes the best aspects of PNG and SVG. It comes off as confused, but it's entirely accurate! We will cultivate the term "reconfigurable". If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Think long-term. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think enterprise, resource-constrained, magnetic. But don't think all three at the same time. Think super-backward-compatible.