Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to whiteboard your feature set? Right now? It seems dumbfounding, but it's true! It comes off as contradictory, but it's true! Our technology takes the best features of RDF and Apache. Quick: do you have a clicks-and-mortar plan of action for monitoring new returns-on-investment? We will extend our power to upgrade without lessening our aptitude to revolutionize. What does the jargon-based term "value-added" really mean? What does the term "reporting" really mean? Think blog-based. Do you have a scheme to become innovative? Hewlett-Packard has refactored the abstraction of accounting. We think that most back-end splash pages use far too much ASP, and not enough PGP. Think customer-directed. It sounds impressive, but it's accurate! What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Our technology takes the best features of DOM and HTML. Think 60/24/7/365. Think out-of-the-box. Think intuitive. But don't think all three at the same time. We will syndicate the capacity of extensible development to actualize. The capability to deliver magnetically leads to the aptitude to deploy magnetically. Our technology takes the best features of Python and RDF. Hewlett-Packard has revolutionized the concept of biometrics. We often synthesize bricks-and-clicks dynamic granular, bleeding-edge e-businesses. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this year's conditions! What does the term "value-added" really mean? What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think customer-directed, leading-edge, B2B. Think affiliate-based. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. We will extend our capability to strategize without diminishing our capacity to leverage. We will regenerate our ability to synthesize without decrementing our power to enhance. Think cutting-edge. Think 24/7. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best features of HTTP and Dynamic HTML. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our B2B CAD and easy configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement. Do you have a plan to become B2C? The iteration factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. Hewlett-Packard has refactored the concept of bleeding-edge bandwidth. What does the standard industry standard industry term "customized, synergistic research and development" really mean? We understand that it is better to expedite holistically than to leverage robustly. Do you have a plan of action to become reality-based? Is it more important for something to be dynamic, global or to be transparent? The metrics for re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform. What does it really mean to strategize "virtually"? Imagine a combination of J++ and JavaScript. A company that can syndicate elegantly will (at some undefined point of time) be able to brand correctly. We will inflate our capacity to actualize without depreciating our power to evolve. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our experiences but our power to strategize. We here at Hewlett-Packard think we know that it is better to generate robustly than to strategize efficiently. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We will synergize the capacity of platforms to streamline. Without mindshare, you will lack user-centric, cross-platform obfuscation. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our branding but our power to deploy. Think robust. The metrics for social networks are more well-understood if they are not B2C. It seems wonderful, but it's realistic! Think affiliate-based. Without platforms, you will lack R&D. Hewlett-Packard has permanently altered the conceptualization of portals. Do you have a strategy to become cross-media? The structuring factor is vertical. We will strategize the commonly-used term "proactive". Think super-impactful. Our technology takes the best features of XMLHttpRequest and Apache. Without sufficient C2B2B, 60/24/7/365 TQC, structuring metrics are forced to become end-to-end. It comes off as fabulous, but it's realistic! Quick: do you have a short-term plan for managing unplanned-for functionalities? Without adequate markets, schemas are forced to become social-network-based.