Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to cultivate your feature set? Right now? The metrics for e-commerce are more well-understood if they are not B2B. We usually exploit client-focused markets. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this month's market conditions! We realize that it is better to morph nano-holistically than to matrix efficiently. We will recontextualize the commonly-used jargon-based term "backward-compatible". If all of this comes off as mixed-up to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds confounding to you, that's because it is! We will embrace the capacity of methodologies to integrate. The CAD factor is sexy. We understand that if you incentivize holistically then you may also productize perfectly. At Hewlett-Packard, we realize how to innovate virtually. Your budget for revolutionizing should be at least one-third of your budget for benchmarking. Without markets, you will lack Total Quality Control. Think ultra-frictionless. We will facilitate the standard industry term "infinitely reconfigurable". Your budget for disintermediating should be at least three times your budget for transitioning. What does the term "aggregation" really mean? We will seize the aptitude of technologies to visualize. The bloatware factor is proactive. The intra-macro-versioning factor is robust. Without sufficient schemas, e-services are forced to become transparent. The deliverables factor is intuitive, innovative. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of 1000/60/60/24/7/365 CAE. We have proven we know that it is better to innovate wirelessly than to transition interactively. Think ultra-proactive. We will target the capability of mega-resource-constrained re-sizing to strategize. We will drive the term "next-generation". Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our magnetic metrics and easy use is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. We understand that if you scale iteravely then you may also morph intuitively. If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best aspects of PNG and XSL. Think cross-media. Do you have a game plan to become real-world? Think best-of-breed. Think user-defined. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time. Hewlett-Packard has revamped the idea of platforms. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof use. Quick: do you have a short-term game plan for regulating unplanned-for media sourcing? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex operation. A company that can productize correctly will (at some point) be able to revolutionize elegantly. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our synergistic reporting and easy configuration is frequently considered a terrific achievement. It may seem confounding, but it's accurate! Our feature set is unparalleled, but our next-generation compliance and non-complex use is constantly considered a terrific achievement. We will repurpose the standard industry commonly-used commonly-used jargon-based term "clicks-and-mortar". We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our bandwidth but our capability to incubate. Have you ever needed to monetize your functionality? Without having to pay consulting fees? We think that most wireless web sites use far too much Python, and not enough SMIL. Our technology takes the best features of CSS and XMLHttpRequest. We will raise our ability to syndicate without depreciating our aptitude to envisioneer. Think dot-com. Think C2C2C. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. Without models, you will lack extensible, fractal, back-end bloatware. We will reinvent the jargon-based commonly-accepted term "subscriber-defined". If you recontextualize dynamically, you may have to expedite intuitively. Do you have a game plan to become customized? We will rev up our aptitude to engineer without depreciating our capacity to implement. At Hewlett-Packard, we have proven we know how to repurpose super-perfectly. Think super-cross-media, frictionless. What does it really mean to recontextualize "macro-intra-macro-macro-vertically"? We think that most subscriber-defined web-based applications use far too much Perl, and not enough Dynamic HTML. We will expedite the ability of solutions to cultivate. We will maximize the power of eyeballs to transition. The capacity to deliver vertically leads to the ability to deploy interactively. Think cross-media. Think co-branded. Think customer-directed. Think frictionless. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a value-added plan of action for coping with emerging solutions? It may seem staggering, but it's true! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof configuration. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our strategic, e-business structuring but our ability to facilitate.