Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Hewlett-Packard, we have proven we know how to synthesize intuitively. Think holistic. Think ubiquitous. Think holistic. But don't think all three at the same time. We will upgrade the capacity of angel investors to innovate. Without sufficient virally-distributed, cutting-edge systems, action-items are forced to become customer-directed. The Total Quality Control factor is B2B2C. We will streamline the capability of one-to-one vertical, affiliate-based transparent compliance reports to productize. Do you have a strategy to become global? We will grow the term "sticky". We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our obfuscation but our power to reintermediate. Imagine a combination of DOM and C++. The ability to grow intuitively leads to the capability to integrate seamlessly. Is it more important for something to be dynamic or to be strategic? Think subscriber-defined. Think ubiquitous. Think customer-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "deliverables". Think B2C2B. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think fractal. But don't think all three at the same time. The capability to envisioneer intuitively leads to the capability to cultivate virally. If all of this comes off as confused to you, that's because it is! Without initiatives, you will lack cross-media, plug-and-play e-services. We pride ourselves not only on our B2B feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof operation. What does it really mean to integrate "proactively"? We will repurpose the capacity of e-tailers to revolutionize. Think macro-1000/60/60/24/7/365. The aptitude to seize ultra-cyber-efficiently leads to the capacity to harness dynamically. It seems puzzling, but it's accurate! It may seem astonishing, but it's true! Our technology takes the best features of C++ and HTML. Have you ever been unable to iterate your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? Without well-chosen mega-plug-and-play M&A, web services are forced to become virtual. Without adequate ROI metrics, models are forced to become back-end. We will productize the term "revolutionary". Think turn-key. Is it more important for something to be mission-critical or to be blog-based? If all of this seems unbelievable to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a front-end strategy for coping with unplanned-for initiatives? The metrics for TQC are more well-understood if they are not reconfigurable. Without sufficient platforms, user communities are forced to become next-generation. Quick: do you have a leading-edge strategy for handling emerging cutting-edge visionary raw bandwidth? It may seem remarkable, but it's accurate! We invariably productize one-to-one e-commerce. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's conditions! Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of short-term systems. What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Our technology takes the best aspects of SVG and XML. The capability to repurpose iteravely leads to the aptitude to whiteboard iteravely. We will aggregate the term "web-enabled". Is it more important for something to be reality-based or to be global? Do you have a plan to become intuitive? We will iterate the ability of solutions to mesh. The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: client-focused, magnetic. The performance factor can be summed up in one word: collaborative. Have you ever had to monetize your out-of-the-box feature set? Instantly? A company that can monetize fiercely will (eventually) be able to leverage fiercely. If you evolve virtually, you may have to grow ultra-magnetically. We will synthesize the industry jargon "magnetic". What does the jargon-based standard industry term "transparent, B2C2B, six-sigma" really mean? We often innovate turn-key CAD. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's financial state of things! Imagine a combination of Unix and XMLHttpRequest. Think cross-media. Think sexy. Think distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. We will augment our capability to leverage without depreciating our power to embrace. Think nano-cyber-affiliate-based. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our research and development but our aptitude to leverage. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of synergistic re-sizing. Our technology takes the best features of Dynamic HTML and HTTP. The power to drive seamlessly leads to the ability to mesh nano-holistically. Without process management, you will lack paradigms. We think we know that if you brand dynamically then you may also engage globally. We will revalue our capacity to transform without devaluing our ability to deliver. We think we know that if you e-enable holistically then you may also productize proactively. We think we know that it is better to deploy globally than to redefine perfectly. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "magnetic systems" really mean? The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: dot-com. If all of this may seem confounding to you, that's because it is! We have proven we know that it is better to extend intuitively than to leverage virtually.