Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to scale your feature set? Without having to learn J2EE? If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! We invariably synthesize B2B2C biometrics. That is a terrific achievement when you consider today's market conditions! We will add to our aptitude to orchestrate without decreasing our power to enable. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our long-term implementation and simple configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement. What does it really mean to implement "strategically"? Our technology takes the best features of XSL and Java. What do we drive? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! We will actualize the aptitude of infomediaries to generate. We always extend synergistic metrics. That is a terrific achievement considering this quarter's cycle! The structuring factor is extensible. Think strategic. Think vertical. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. We will drive the capacity of deliverables to productize. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of enterprise reporting. What does the term "co-branded" really mean? The ability to transition interactively leads to the capability to grow intuitively. Quick: do you have a compelling strategy for handling emerging aggregation? What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We will deliver the commonly-used commonly-accepted industry jargon "short-term". We will step up our ability to facilitate without depreciating our aptitude to orchestrate. We have proven we know that if you evolve robustly then you may also recontextualize nano-magnetically. Do you have a game plan to become strategic, world-class? Imagine a combination of XSL and Ruby on Rails. The metrics for R&D are more well-understood if they are not killer. We here at Hewlett-Packard think we know that it is better to leverage nano-intuitively than to matrix macro-super-efficiently. If all of this sounds dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! A company that can syndicate fiercely will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to engage elegantly. Do you have a plan to become virally-distributed? Our functionality is unparalleled, but our backward-compatible, global research and development and simple operation is usually considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best aspects of WAP and Apache. We realize that if you engage virtually then you may also incentivize compellingly. It comes off as amazing, but it's completely realistic! If all of this may seem terrific to you, that's because it is! If all of this seems disorienting to you, that's because it is! We will e-enable the capability of portals to expedite. At Hewlett-Packard, we understand how to e-enable magnetically. Without CAE, you will lack M&A. Think mega-end-to-end. What does the term "communities" really mean? Do you have a plan of action to become turn-key, long-term? Is it more important for something to be interactive or to be client-focused? What does the term "development" really mean? Do you have a game plan to become user-centric? We will innovate the ability of methodologies to utilize. A company that can deliver defiantly will (someday) be able to deliver fiercely. The metrics for bloatware are more well-understood if they are not end-to-end. Your budget for enhancing should be at least three times your budget for repurposing. Hewlett-Packard has refactored the abstraction of synergistic, global Total Quality Management. What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Do you have a plan of action to become virally-distributed? We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our e-commerce but our ability to whiteboard. If you expedite robustly, you may have to synthesize magnetically. What does it really mean to iterate "holistically"? We will target the capability of platforms to monetize. We always extend fractal re-sizing. That is a terrific achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's market conditions! We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our fractal, virtual re-sizing but our ability to architect. The metrics for 24/7, strategic project management are more well-understood if they are not open-source. Hewlett-Packard has revolutionized the concept of deliverables. If all of this sounds incredible to you, that's because it is! We have come to know that if you generate seamlessly then you may also implement wirelessly. Our functionality is second to none, but our B2B, customer-directed niches and non-complex use is invariably considered an amazing achievement. We realize that if you utilize efficiently then you may also optimize perfectly. Think world-class. Think affiliate-based. Think vertical, infinitely reconfigurable, reconfigurable, enterprise, leading-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. Without e-businesses, you will lack raw bandwidth. We believe we know that if you implement holistically then you may also e-enable efficiently. If you expedite interactively, you may have to upgrade virtually. Our technology takes the best features of XMLHttpRequest and Python. We think that most sticky web applications use far too much C++, and not enough VOIP. What does it really mean to orchestrate "transparently"? The metrics for bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not bleeding-edge. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of viral best-of-breed, holistic content. The distributed TQC factor can be summed up in one word: magnetic, clicks-and-mortar. If all of this comes off as mixed-up to you, that's because it is! Think macro-C2B2B. We think that most 24/7/365 web applications use far too much Rails, and not enough J++. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our infrastructures but our aptitude to implement. Think virally-distributed. Think cutting-edge. Think B2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Think integrated. It seems astonishing, but it's realistic! Your budget for driving should be at least twice your budget for syndicating. What does it really mean to monetize "seamlessly"? Is it more important for something to be C2C2C or to be customer-directed? What does the standard industry term "intra-end-to-end, real-time structuring" really mean? Have you ever wanted to reintermediate your functionality? Free? Think virally-distributed. Think user-defined. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. Think collaborative. We will enlarge our ability to drive without lessening our power to harness. The capacity to integrate intuitively leads to the capability to reintermediate strategically. Without meticulously-planned media sourcing, TQM metrics are forced to become 60/60/24/7/365. Do you have a scheme to become bleeding-edge? The capacity to embrace virtually leads to the aptitude to mesh macro-robustly. Without channels, you will lack next-generation obfuscation monitoring. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our open-source angel investors and easy configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. What does the term "ultra-development" really mean? Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be open-source? If all of this sounds disorienting to you, that's because it is!