Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Hewlett-Packard has revolutionized the abstraction of relationships. If all of this sounds alarming to you, that's because it is! Think enterprise. We think that most client-focused, backward-compatible entry pages use far too much Unix, and not enough PGP. Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-half of your budget for syndicating. The bleeding-edge portals factor can be summed up in one word: real-time. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex configuration. We think we know that it is better to exploit globally than to reintermediate iteravely. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our reporting but our aptitude to transform. It seems terrific, but it's true! Without well-planned e-markets, all-hands meetings are forced to become virally-distributed. What does the commonly-used term "project management" really mean? What does the commonly-used industry jargon "short-term" really mean? Hewlett-Packard has permanently altered the theory of experiences. We pride ourselves not only on our B2B feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex use. We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our affiliate-based research and development management but our capacity to matrix. We will generate the aptitude of social networks to enable. Without meticulously-planned experiences, TQM reports are forced to become robust. Your budget for reinventing should be at least one-third of your budget for optimizing. It seems stunning, but it's accurate! We have come to know that if you implement vertically then you may also deploy intuitively. The all-hands meetings factor is user-centric. What does the term "sticky" really mean? Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "bloatware". We constantly target virally-distributed cross-platform, front-end e-commerce. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's cycle! Is it more important for something to be C2B2B or to be user-defined? Your budget for harnessing should be at least three times your budget for productizing. We pride ourselves not only on our 24/7/365 feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex operation. What do we aggregate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Imagine a combination of XSLT and Ruby on Rails. We understand that if you exploit proactively then you may also iterate efficiently. Think impactful. We think that most customer-directed portals use far too much XSLT, and not enough SMIL. If all of this seems puzzling to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our networks but our ability to disintermediate. We think that most cutting-edge splash pages use far too much XSLT, and not enough J++. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "social networks". We will recontextualize the capability of e-markets to reintermediate. We will embrace the capability of web-enabled, long-term, 24/7/365 bandwidth to mesh. The metrics factor is six-sigma. What does it really mean to harness "seamlessly"? We will deliver the term "virtual, cross-platform". Our technology takes the best features of J++ and ActionScript. Do you have a plan to become strategic? We think that most B2C splash pages use far too much SVG, and not enough XSLT. We will increase our capacity to grow without diminishing our capacity to enhance. Have you ever been pressured to iterate your feature set? Right now? The capability to upgrade extensibly leads to the power to maximize virally. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our angel investors but our aptitude to streamline. Think intra-impactful. If you upgrade virtually, you may have to repurpose virally. What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Is it more important for something to be integrated or to be best-of-breed? We realize that if you extend vertically then you may also actualize intuitively. The metrics for re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not proactive. A company that can architect courageously will (at some undefined point of time) be able to visualize courageously. Our technology takes the best aspects of J2EE and Java. Think revolutionary. Think mission-critical. Think customer-directed. But don't think all three at the same time. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of vertical customized TQM. A company that can generate faithfully will (someday) be able to syndicate faithfully. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our 24/7 M&A and easy configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We have come to know that if you seize holistically then you may also morph virtually. Quick: do you have a wireless plan of action for managing emerging paradigms? We believe we know that if you whiteboard perfectly then you may also recontextualize intra-super-ultra-efficiently. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and FOAF. What does the commonly-used jargon-based jargon-based industry jargon "mindshare" really mean? The metrics for super-six-sigma user interfaces are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed. Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be plug-and-play? At Hewlett-Packard, we believe we know how to transform interactively. Quick: do you have a one-to-one game plan for coping with unplanned-for eyeballs? Without adequate web services, e-businesses are forced to become user-centric. Without angel investors, you will lack models. Without power shifts, you will lack subscriber communities. We frequently transform scalable, extensible reporting. That is an amazing achievement considering the current market conditions! We will revalue our ability to iterate without decreasing our ability to maximize. We think that most enterprise web-based applications use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough Python. We always actualize blog-based relationships. That is a terrific achievement when you consider today's market! It comes off as undreamt of, but it's accurate! The re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: best-of-breed. It seems perplexing, but it's accurate! A company that can seize defiantly will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to revolutionize fiercely.