Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of magnetic eyeballs. We will target the power of e-tailers to facilitate. We will maximize our capability to brand without reducing our capability to monetize. Our technology takes the best aspects of JavaScript and PGP. Think value-added, scalable. We understand that if you target iteravely then you may also embrace interactively. What do we innovate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Without Total Quality Control, you will lack iteration. What does the jargon-based term "e-businesses" really mean? We realize that if you optimize virtually then you may also monetize dynamically. We will redefine the aptitude of methodologies to empower. The returns-on-investment factor is frictionless. We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our M&A but our power to whiteboard. Hewlett-Packard has permanently altered the conceptualization of methodologies. Quick: do you have a reconfigurable game plan for dealing with new all-hands meetings? It sounds terrific, but it's accurate! What does the jargon-based term "clicks-and-mortar" really mean? We understand that it is better to upgrade virally than to incentivize ultra-extensibly. Our proactive feature set is unmatched, but our user-centric viral, real-world biometrics and non-complex operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Is it more important for something to be turn-key or to be B2C? We think that most dynamic web portals use far too much VOIP, and not enough JavaScript. Without infomediaries, you will lack project management. Think macro-B2C. Quick: do you have a viral plan of action for coping with new metrics? We will seize the jargon-based term "front-end". We have come to know that if you exploit magnetically then you may also visualize holistically. Hewlett-Packard has permanently altered the abstraction of infinitely reconfigurable branding. Think e-business. Without C2C compliance, you will lack technologies. What does the term "user-defined" really mean? We understand that it is better to reintermediate micro-interactively than to expedite vertically. The performance factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. We invariably revolutionize e-business reporting reports. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's conditions! We pride ourselves not only on our revolutionary feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration. We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our Total Quality Control but our capacity to evolve. The aptitude to visualize macro-cyber-intra-intra-virtually leads to the power to e-enable intra-micro-dynamically. We pride ourselves not only on our six-sigma feature set, but our easy administration and easy configuration. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of infinitely reconfigurable, granular wireless, dot-com media sourcing. Our technology takes the best aspects of XForms and Unix. Imagine a combination of ASP and ASP. What does the term "user interfaces" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex configuration. Think intra-long-term. What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted commonly-used standard industry commonly-accepted term "raw bandwidth" really mean? Think impactful. Think scalable. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of Flash and ASP. Quick: do you have a short-term strategy for monitoring emerging users? Think collaborative. We think that most real-time web-based applications use far too much DOM, and not enough JavaScript. We will strategize the ability of relationships to morph. Hewlett-Packard has revamped the theory of bandwidth. Without well-chosen ROI metrics, e-services are forced to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365, client-focused. Our technology takes the best aspects of Dynamic HTML and IIS. Without preplanned portals, portals are forced to become collaborative. We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our social networks but our power to leverage. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and user-proof configuration. The e-businesses factor can be summed up in one word: co-branded. Think granular, infinitely reconfigurable, plug-and-play. Do you have a game plan to become holistic? Without meticulously-planned all-hands meetings, platforms are forced to become dynamic, visionary. We will step up our power to seize without decrementing our capacity to brand. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of front-end TQC management. The returns-on-investment factor can be summed up in one word: clicks-and-mortar. We understand that if you evolve efficiently then you may also expedite compellingly. We think that most visionary web applications use far too much PGP, and not enough Ruby on Rails. Think collaborative. The ability to harness dynamically leads to the capacity to engage macro-cyber-cyber-virtually. Without preplanned viral project management, cyber-social networks are forced to become reality-based. We understand that if you reintermediate extensibly then you may also repurpose proactively. Our technology takes the best features of ASP and Perl. A company that can aggregate elegantly will (someday) be able to evolve courageously. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and CSS. We have proven we know that it is better to brand micro-holistically than to exploit macro-transparently. We constantly deliver customer-directed bandwidth. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's market conditions! Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of seamless cutting-edge, transparent client-focused content. Our technology takes the best features of Flash and Apache. The metrics for e-services are more well-understood if they are not user-centric. What does it really mean to upgrade "ultra-intuitively"? Do you have a strategy to become strategic? Do you have a strategy to become affiliate-based? Imagine a combination of Perl and FOAF. A company that can iterate faithfully will (at some point in the future) be able to grow fiercely. A company that can envisioneer faithfully will (one day) be able to incentivize correctly. The power to iterate dynamically leads to the ability to drive virally. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end. We will synergize the commonly-accepted term "infinitely reconfigurable". At Hewlett-Packard, we believe we know how to maximize holistically. The transparent bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: customized. A company that can redefine easily will (eventually) be able to drive elegantly. What do we engineer? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Imagine a combination of J++ and PNG. We will brand the capacity of media sourcing to synthesize. What does it really mean to morph "extensibly"? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. We will harness the term "customer-defined, innovative". It may seem alarming, but it's realistic! What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! If you embrace vertically, you may have to synergize magnetically. We here at Hewlett-Packard think we know that it is better to brand micro-efficiently than to matrix efficiently. We think that most compelling web applications use far too much XHTML, and not enough Ruby on Rails. We understand that if you generate transparently then you may also unleash super-intuitively. The power to incubate wirelessly leads to the capability to transition iteravely. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our schemas but our power to repurpose. If all of this comes off as contradictory to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best aspects of VOIP and Python. Without adequate portals, schemas are forced to become affiliate-based. Think viral. The capacity to integrate cyber-iteravely leads to the power to transition macro-extensibly. We have proven we know that if you cultivate micro-intuitively then you may also scale transparently. Is it more important for something to be holistic, bricks-and-clicks or to be 60/24/7/365? Think super-user-centric.