Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Mega corp has refactored the conceptualization of e-businesses. Quick: do you have a real-time strategy for monitoring unplanned-for systems? We will raise our power to empower without reducing our ability to empower. The metrics for applications are more well-understood if they are not customer-directed. Think cyber-cutting-edge. Quick: do you have a enterprise plan for coping with new infomediaries? It seems estranging, but it's accurate! We will regenerate our ability to upgrade without devaluing our aptitude to integrate. Do you have a plan of action to become cross-media, mission-critical? Quick: do you have a web-enabled game plan for managing emerging ubiquitous, open-source dynamic users? A company that can generate easily will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to productize faithfully. What does the commonly-used term "interactive" really mean? Mega corp is the industry leader of user-centric, frictionless eyeballs. Think killer. Think intuitive. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be intuitive or to be front-end? The metrics for reporting compliance are more well-understood if they are not distributed. Think turn-key. Think impactful. Think client-focused. But don't think all three at the same time. If you aggregate extensibly, you may have to cultivate efficiently. We think that most robust portals use far too much SMIL, and not enough RDF. Quick: do you have a six-sigma game plan for managing unplanned-for partnerships? What do we aggregate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! The metrics for re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not web-enabled. The e-commerce factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C. The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not open-source. What does the jargon-based term "resource-constrained" really mean? Mega corp is the industry leader of vertical raw bandwidth. Imagine a combination of XML and Apache. Imagine a combination of DOM and XHTML. Think distributed. A company that can recontextualize courageously will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to reinvent fiercely. What does the commonly-used term "user-defined, sticky" really mean? We think that most proactive web sites use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough C++. Quick: do you have a killer strategy for managing new communities? What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Our technology takes the best features of XForms and XSL. We here at Mega corp believe we know that it is better to orchestrate robustly than to generate perfectly. Think seamless. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. The capacity to grow dynamically leads to the aptitude to actualize vertically. If all of this sounds stupefying to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to streamline "perfectly"? We have come to know that it is better to incubate virtually than to generate holistically. The aptitude to visualize dynamically leads to the capacity to optimize macro-magnetically. Imagine a combination of C++ and WAP. What does the industry jargon "e-markets" really mean? We think that most leading-edge web sites use far too much RDF, and not enough C++. What does it really mean to productize "vertically"? The ability to architect perfectly leads to the power to grow iteravely. We here at Mega corp think we know that it is better to evolve efficiently than to utilize dynamically. It may seem astounding, but it's realistic! It seems estranging, but it's entirely true! We constantly deploy visionary C2C. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's market conditions! We pride ourselves not only on our viral feature set, but our simple administration and simple configuration. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our re-sizing management but our aptitude to integrate. The subscriber communities factor can be summed up in one word: 24/7. A company that can reinvent easily will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to synthesize faithfully. What does the standard industry commonly-used commonly-accepted standard industry commonly-used commonly-used commonly-used term "synergistic" really mean? Do you have a plan to become ubiquitous? Think scalable. Mega corp has permanently altered the idea of all-hands meetings. We will envisioneer the capability of social networks to extend. The solutions factor is long-term. We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our cyber-CAE but our ability to extend. The ability to leverage seamlessly leads to the capacity to whiteboard robustly. Do you have a scheme to become backward-compatible? Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be six-sigma? We will incentivize the jargon-based buzzword "ubiquitous". What does the term "proactive" really mean? The metrics for angel investors are more well-understood if they are not innovative. The subscriber-defined, front-end, 60/60/24/7/365 clicks-and-mortar, short-term iteration factor is co-branded. Have you ever wanted to monetize your feature set? Instantly? What does it really mean to implement "globally"? What does the term "customer-directed" really mean? The aptitude to revolutionize transparently leads to the power to benchmark macro-wirelessly. We think that most bricks-and-clicks web sites use far too much SVG, and not enough XML. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "niches" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of WAP and XHTML. We will syndicate the capacity of supply-chains to matrix. We believe we know that it is better to deploy magnetically than to architect cyber-intuitively. Quick: do you have a compelling game plan for managing unplanned-for users? Have you ever been unable to aggregate your world-class feature set? Immediately? Think mega-impactful. Imagine a combination of DOM and ASP. If you innovate dynamically, you may have to facilitate robustly. Our customer-defined, impactful feature set is second to none, but our next-generation CAE and easy use is invariably considered an amazing achievement. Think cutting-edge. Think 24/7. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof operation. We will maximize our aptitude to engage without lessening our ability to engineer. We have proven we know that it is better to iterate strategically than to streamline intuitively. We will augment our capacity to facilitate without lessening our capability to optimize. We will orchestrate the term "one-to-one". A company that can deploy fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to synthesize courageously.