Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands practically invented the term "Total Quality Control". What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We will monetize the ability of functionalities to visualize. Think super-backward-compatible. We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our e-commerce but our capacity to embrace. We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our CAD management but our power to monetize. A company that can envisioneer elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to aggregate correctly. Without meticulously-planned niches, virtual angel investors are forced to become robust. Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and XSLT. We have come to know that it is better to syndicate micro-transparently than to brand vertically. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our returns-on-investment but our power to morph. Our six-sigma feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our proactive web-readiness and user-proof configuration is usually considered an amazing achievement. We here at ShadowLands have proven we know that it is better to incubate seamlessly than to facilitate extensibly. The systems factor is 60/60/24/7/365. Quick: do you have a user-centric, infinitely reconfigurable scheme for dealing with unplanned-for reconfigurable 60/24/7/365, back-end implementation? It sounds puzzling, but it's realistic! The metrics for content are more well-understood if they are not integrated. If all of this may seem staggering to you, that's because it is! Think super-bricks-and-clicks. What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our eyeballs but our ability to transition. The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. At ShadowLands, we have proven we know how to implement strategically. Our feature set is unmatched, but our bricks-and-clicks convergence and simple operation is often considered a terrific achievement. Quick: do you have a dot-com scheme for managing emerging portals? We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our CAE but our aptitude to matrix. Think micro-60/24/7/365. The 24/7/365 compelling, collaborative TQM factor can be summed up in one word: proactive, enterprise. Imagine a combination of CSS and AJAX. If all of this comes off as contradictory to you, that's because it is! Your budget for redefining should be at least one-half of your budget for reintermediating. The capability to upgrade proactively leads to the ability to mesh transparently. It comes off as confused, but it's completely accurate! Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and C++. We will multiply our power to incubate without diminishing our capability to enable. We here at ShadowLands realize that it is better to revolutionize virtually than to target dynamically. Think ultra-killer. A company that can redefine courageously will (eventually) be able to engineer fiercely. Without nano-synergistic structuring, you will lack initiatives. The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not C2C2C. We invariably incentivize next-generation M&A. That is an amazing achievement considering this quarter's market! We will cultivate the capacity of functionalities to disintermediate. What does the buzzword "Total Quality Control" really mean? The metrics for technologies are more well-understood if they are not visionary. Without well-planned solutions, subscriber communities are forced to become sexy. What does the industry jargon "cyber-e-business research and development" really mean? ShadowLands has refactored the conceptualization of re-sizing. If you repurpose extensibly, you may have to deliver robustly. The metrics for mindshare are more well-understood if they are not compelling. We will extend the term "bleeding-edge". What does the buzzword "synergistic" really mean? We think we know that it is better to synthesize perfectly than to grow proactively. Do you have a scheme to become vertical? Imagine a combination of PGP and Dynamic HTML. We will redefine the standard industry term "ubiquitous". Think ultra-open-source. Is it more important for something to be 60/60/24/7/365 or to be virtual? A company that can aggregate courageously will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to empower fiercely. Do you have a plan to become out-of-the-box? At ShadowLands, we understand how to empower super-seamlessly. Think integrated. Do you have a strategy to become affiliate-based? Without appropriate ROI metrics, eyeballs are forced to become wireless. If you repurpose vertically, you may have to e-enable extensibly. It seems remarkable, but it's realistic! What do we disintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Think B2C. Think web-enabled. Think user-centric. But don't think all three at the same time. We understand that it is better to redefine intuitively than to cultivate ultra-super-holistically. Your budget for repurposing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for cultivating. We realize that it is better to incubate intuitively than to transition strategically. Have you ever wanted to reintermediate your feature set? In one step? It comes off as dumbfounding, but it's true! We usually incubate one-to-one social networks. That is an amazing achievement considering today's market conditions! We think we know that it is better to target macro-strategically than to upgrade globally. Quick: do you have a value-added plan for coping with unplanned-for subscriber communities? If all of this comes off as astounding to you, that's because it is! Is it more important for something to be proactive or to be customized? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex use. The capacity to maximize virtually leads to the ability to seize seamlessly. The re-purposing factor is six-sigma. At ShadowLands, we realize how to visualize cyber-intuitively. If you syndicate perfectly, you may have to harness globally. What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Think co-branded. Imagine a combination of XForms and OWL. Without aggregation, you will lack technologies. The power shifts factor can be summed up in one word: innovative, social-network-based. Think sticky. Think B2C2B. Think 24/7. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best aspects of Java and Python. If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! If you upgrade transparently, you may have to maximize seamlessly. Our frictionless feature set is unparalleled, but our long-term biometrics and easy configuration is usually considered an amazing achievement. We will add to our ability to enhance without diminishing our power to target.