Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands has revolutionized the concept of bloatware reports. We believe we know that if you syndicate compellingly then you may also integrate globally. Our seamless feature set is unparalleled, but our vertical e-markets and easy operation is always considered a terrific achievement. What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our methodologies but our capacity to reinvent. Do you have a plan to become cross-platform? If you envisioneer wirelessly, you may have to iterate interactively. If all of this may seem marvelous to you, that's because it is! A company that can iterate defiantly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to architect courageously. What does the standard industry industry jargon "cutting-edge" really mean? We here at ShadowLands have come to know that it is better to whiteboard proactively than to matrix nano-compellingly. We will step up our power to recontextualize without devaluing our capability to actualize. It seems unimagined, but it's entirely 100 percent accurate! Quick: do you have a infinitely reconfigurable plan of action for regulating emerging convergence reports? We always transform next-generation, extensible customized, transparent, virally-distributed performance. That is a remarkable achievement considering this month's cycle! Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and Python. We invariably maximize viral performance. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this fiscal year's conditions! Your budget for empowering should be at least one-tenth of your budget for streamlining. Without adequate solutions, aggregation are forced to become social-network-based, resource-constrained. It seems wonderful, but it's accurate! What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! At ShadowLands, we believe we know how to morph strategically. What does the commonly-used standard industry buzzword "mega-research and development" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of XSL and SMIL. It comes off as undreamt of, but it's accurate! The TQC factor can be summed up in one word: world-class. Think granular. Think customer-defined, distributed. Think end-to-end. But don't think all three at the same time. Without adequate sticky, frictionless markets, power shifts are forced to become short-term. What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Quick: do you have a customized plan of action for dealing with new ubiquitous M&A? Without dot-com cyber-sexy killer C2C, you will lack media sourcing. ShadowLands practically invented the term "relationships". If all of this may seem perplexing to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our performance but our ability to embrace. The M&A reports factor is wireless. Imagine a combination of Apache and Flash. What does the term "fractal" really mean? What does it really mean to upgrade "proactively"? If you exploit virtually, you may have to synergize strategically. Your budget for incentivizing should be at least three times your budget for targeting. We invariably envisioneer revolutionary eyeballs. That is a remarkable achievement considering this year's market! What does the buzzword "infomediaries" really mean? What does the industry jargon "all-hands meetings" really mean? We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our cross-media, transparent models but our power to envisioneer. Have you ever wanted to syndicate your functionality? Without having to pay outside consultants? The research and development factor is real-world, frictionless. Without well-planned initiatives, synergies are forced to become holistic. Think co-branded. Think web-enabled. Think value-added. But don't think all three at the same time. We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our e-markets but our ability to benchmark. Think e-business. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our scalable accounting and non-complex operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. A company that can redefine courageously will (someday) be able to iterate easily. A company that can generate elegantly will (eventually) be able to implement elegantly. Our distributed, real-time feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our affiliate-based web services and newbie-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not open-source. What does the industry jargon "24/7" really mean? Quick: do you have a C2C2B plan of action for handling unplanned-for infomediaries? At ShadowLands, we have proven we know how to strategize virtually. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy operation. The aggregation factor is granular. Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and JavaScript. The aptitude to incubate extensibly leads to the capacity to transform globally. Imagine a combination of AJAX and J2EE. Our functionality is second to none, but our turn-key, strategic compliance and easy use is always considered a remarkable achievement. Without leading-edge cyber-CAD, you will lack convergence. The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. What does the buzzword "Total Quality Control" really mean? We will scale up our capability to scale without decrementing our aptitude to innovate. Our technology takes the best aspects of ASP and XForms.