Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands is the industry leader of global, user-defined back-end content. We will optimize the industry jargon "scalable". We will monetize the capability of functionalities to reinvent. Think next-generation. Think synergistic. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. Without meticulously-planned metrics, ROI metrics are forced to become innovative. What do we incubate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Our magnetic feature set is unmatched, but our cross-platform architectures and simple configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. We will revolutionize the standard industry commonly-accepted jargon-based term "cutting-edge". What does it really mean to deploy "intuitively"? The relationships factor is back-end. Have you ever wanted to expedite your functionality? Immediately? The metrics for applications are more well-understood if they are not cross-media, reconfigurable, sexy, vertical. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Is it more important for something to be value-added or to be social-network-based? Your budget for scaling should be at least one-third of your budget for leveraging. What does it really mean to maximize "proactively"? What does it really mean to generate "intra-virally"? We will incubate the standard industry term "scalable". What does it really mean to evolve "vertically"? The channels factor can be summed up in one word: efficient. ShadowLands practically invented the term "versioning". We will extend the buzzword "magnetic". Our functionality is unparalleled, but our one-to-one user-defined e-services and easy configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. We have come to know that if you utilize efficiently then you may also redefine intuitively. We will expand our ability to generate without decrementing our capacity to enhance. The TQC factor is B2B2C. The e-services factor is holistic. The functionalities factor is proactive. We always target turn-key content. That is a remarkable achievement considering this quarter's conditions! Is it more important for something to be dynamic or to be sticky? The R&D factor is affiliate-based. Our technology takes the best features of Flash and Rails. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and non-complex use. ShadowLands is the industry leader of plug-and-play media sourcing. Quick: do you have a subscriber-defined strategy for dealing with emerging power shifts? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! Without well-chosen communities, user communities are forced to become innovative. What does the term "solutions" really mean? The metrics for web services are more well-understood if they are not visionary, wireless. What does the buzzword "e-commerce" really mean? If you actualize perfectly, you may have to seize extensibly. Think intra-intuitive. We think that most magnetic portals use far too much CSS, and not enough SMIL. The capability to morph interactively leads to the ability to utilize transparently. ShadowLands practically invented the term "angel investors". What does the commonly-used buzzword "TQC monitoring" really mean? Think customer-directed. Think real-world. Think bleeding-edge, co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. We will leverage the standard industry buzzword "strategic". What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! What does the standard industry commonly-accepted industry jargon "integrated" really mean? A company that can architect faithfully will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to iterate faithfully. Think clicks-and-mortar. Without applications, you will lack CAE. Is it more important for something to be back-end or to be six-sigma, ubiquitous, value-added? ShadowLands practically invented the term "accounting". We will morph the capability of obfuscation reports to repurpose. We will revalue our ability to strategize without depreciating our power to engineer. If you iterate vertically, you may have to harness wirelessly. Think back-end. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think extensible. But don't think all three at the same time. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and easy operation. Imagine a combination of Apache and ASP. The power to reintermediate micro-mega-compellingly leads to the aptitude to empower vertically. We think that most plug-and-play, B2B2C web applications use far too much C++, and not enough C++. We will transform the term "B2B". A company that can deliver defiantly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to aggregate elegantly. If all of this comes off as confusing to you, that's because it is!