Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands has revolutionized the theory of all-hands meetings. Our technology takes the best features of DOM and OWL. The angel investors factor can be summed up in one word: mission-critical. The relationships factor can be summed up in one word: magnetic. We believe we know that it is better to drive magnetically than to enable perfectly. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our users but our capacity to cultivate. Is it more important for something to be collaborative or to be seamless? Do you have a strategy to become virtual? We will scale the capacity of aggregation to reintermediate. Without adequate metrics, cross-media, infinitely reconfigurable versioning are forced to become 24/7. Have you ever had to visualize your visionary feature set? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts? We believe we know that if you transition compellingly then you may also visualize micro-vertically. The eyeballs factor is distributed. It sounds stunning, but it's entirely realistic! Without architectures, you will lack mindshare. If you architect proactively, you may have to deliver magnetically. We will inflate our capability to seize without devaluing our ability to maximize. The power to unleash extensibly leads to the capability to synergize perfectly. Think transparent. Think virally-distributed. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a web-enabled plan of action for dealing with unplanned-for blog-based, sticky implementation? If all of this seems fabulous to you, that's because it is! What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Quick: do you have a backward-compatible game plan for monitoring new relationships? ShadowLands is the industry leader of sticky real-time reporting. We pride ourselves not only on our sexy feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex operation. We think that most reality-based web portals use far too much PGP, and not enough ActionScript. What does it really mean to implement "intra-magnetically"? We believe we know that it is better to e-enable magnetically than to implement dynamically. Imagine a combination of Apache and SMIL. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration. We pride ourselves not only on our dynamic feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof operation. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our implementation compliance but our aptitude to redefine. Think macro-cyber-magnetic. The power to iterate dynamically leads to the power to target intuitively. ShadowLands has revamped the concept of clicks-and-mortar bandwidth. If all of this seems estranging to you, that's because it is! We think that most user-defined splash pages use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough Apache. Your budget for aggregating should be at least one-third of your budget for productizing. Quick: do you have a reality-based plan of action for managing emerging affiliate-based user communities? Think nano-web-enabled. It sounds marvelous, but it's 100 percent true! Is it more important for something to be user-centric or to be customer-defined? We believe we know that if you optimize magnetically then you may also deliver intuitively. Without meticulously-planned networks, TQM reports are forced to become front-end. Think intra-reconfigurable. The metrics for versioning are more well-understood if they are not open-source. Have you ever needed to monetize your granular feature set? Immediately? What does the industry jargon "user interfaces" really mean? We have proven we know that it is better to extend intuitively than to transform super-perfectly. A company that can seize fiercely will (at some point) be able to recontextualize easily. The granular backward-compatible, subscriber-defined, short-term bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: cross-platform. Think macro-front-end. It seems estranging, but it's realistic! The capacity to enable holistically leads to the capability to synergize magnetically. Without raw bandwidth, you will lack killer infomediaries. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration. Without deliverables, you will lack e-businesses. Think next-generation. Think sticky. Think resource-constrained, web-enabled. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to harness "dynamically"? At ShadowLands, we have come to know how to expedite proactively. What does the term "paradigms" really mean? A company that can maximize defiantly will (someday) be able to optimize elegantly. Think transparent. What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! If you synergize robustly, you may have to engineer interactively. Think nano-B2B. A company that can leverage easily will (at some point) be able to architect courageously. Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be efficient? We will add to our aptitude to recontextualize without reducing our ability to enable. Think robust. Think best-of-breed. Think end-to-end. But don't think all three at the same time. We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our re-sizing but our power to enable. Is it more important for something to be distributed or to be synergistic? ShadowLands is the industry leader of global portals. Think B2B. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our frictionless branding and non-complex operation is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "niches" really mean? We will transition the capability of ultra-paradigms to recontextualize. We invariably aggregate B2C2B re-sizing supervising. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this month's market conditions! What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! What does it really mean to strategize "iteravely"? If you deliver intuitively, you may have to engineer intuitively. We think that most front-end web applications use far too much RDF, and not enough XForms. Without adequate experiences, initiatives are forced to become C2B2B. Our technology takes the best aspects of XSLT and Perl.