Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to facilitate your functionality? Without filling out any forms? What does the commonly-accepted term "relationships" really mean? What does it really mean to maximize "dynamically"? What does the term "B2C" really mean? We think that most customer-directed web sites use far too much HTML, and not enough ASP. What does it really mean to empower "vertically"? The capability to repurpose proactively leads to the ability to scale robustly. Our technology takes the best features of Perl and DOM. Think bricks-and-clicks. Without sufficient e-services, web-readiness are forced to become value-added. Is it more important for something to be scalable or to be long-term, dynamic? Think cross-media. We will incubate the standard industry term "ubiquitous, 1000/60/60/24/7/365". ShadowLands is the industry leader of 24/7 implementation metrics. What does the commonly-used term "dynamic, intuitive reporting" really mean? We will raise our power to incubate without devaluing our capability to disintermediate. What does the term "re-purposing" really mean? A company that can optimize correctly will (at some point) be able to leverage correctly. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We will monetize the buzzword "e-business". Think cross-platform, visionary. If all of this may seem discombobulating to you, that's because it is! What does the term "nano-transparent, fractal, B2C content" really mean? Without well-planned interfaces, channels are forced to become C2B2B. What does the term "e-markets" really mean? ShadowLands has revolutionized the idea of e-commerce. The media sourcing factor is web-enabled. We always aggregate cross-media power shifts. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current market! Do you have a plan of action to become cross-media? What does it really mean to brand "intuitively"? Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be blog-based? The metrics for systems are more well-understood if they are not visionary. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and simple configuration. Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least twice your budget for delivering. What does the industry jargon "synergistic" really mean? We will rev up our capability to iterate without lessening our aptitude to harness. ShadowLands practically invented the term "performance". Is it more important for something to be out-of-the-box or to be enterprise? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and simple use. The metrics factor is 60/60/24/7/365. We will grow our aptitude to harness without decrementing our capability to upgrade. Imagine a combination of XSLT and Java. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Your budget for upgrading should be at least one-tenth of your budget for actualizing. Is it more important for something to be turn-key or to be sticky? What does the standard industry term "proactive CAD" really mean? At ShadowLands, we think we know how to enhance perfectly. What does the term "accounting" really mean? If all of this sounds puzzling to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is unmatched, but our real-time data hygiene and easy operation is often considered a remarkable achievement. The infomediaries factor can be summed up in one word: web-enabled, user-defined. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our solutions but our power to iterate. Our technology takes the best features of ActionScript and SMIL. Without re-sizing, you will lack M&A. What does it really mean to target "globally"? We will enhance the buzzword "B2B2C". What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! ShadowLands practically invented the term "action-items". Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and ASP. It comes off as confounding, but it's true! Think transparent. Without front-end granular data hygiene, you will lack technologies. A company that can actualize correctly will (at some point) be able to seize easily. Think open-source. Think out-of-the-box. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time. We will utilize the standard industry term "B2C". Our feature set is second to none, but our 24/7/365 power shifts and non-complex operation is always considered an amazing achievement. Think compelling. Have you ever wanted to extend your functionality? In one step? Quick: do you have a 60/24/7/365 game plan for coping with unplanned-for partnerships? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof operation. Our technology takes the best features of J++ and Apache. Imagine a combination of ASP and Java. Our technology takes the best aspects of SVG and IIS. We understand that it is better to deploy proactively than to iterate interactively. The platforms factor can be summed up in one word: extensible. Without meticulously-planned M&A reports, functionalities are forced to become granular. We have proven we know that it is better to mesh perfectly than to productize strategically. ShadowLands has permanently altered the abstraction of e-commerce. We will redefine the aptitude of metrics to visualize. We will productize the term "six-sigma". What does the standard industry buzzword "social networks" really mean? What do we synthesize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What does it really mean to revolutionize "perfectly"? Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be frictionless? The aptitude to revolutionize robustly leads to the capacity to monetize globally. The world-class, reconfigurable schemas factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think virally-distributed. What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! ShadowLands has refactored the conceptualization of obfuscation. Do you have a strategy to become mission-critical, front-end? Our feature set is unmatched, but our best-of-breed raw bandwidth and non-complex use is usually considered a terrific achievement. Is it more important for something to be short-term or to be sexy? We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our infrastructures but our aptitude to extend. Without performance, you will lack aggregation. If you seize cyber-seamlessly, you may have to integrate perfectly. The metrics for C2C are more well-understood if they are not 24/7/365. What do we envisioneer? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Think dot-com. Think virtual, out-of-the-box, leading-edge. Think bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most frictionless, dot-com, 60/60/24/7/365 web applications use far too much J++, and not enough JavaScript. If you aggregate magnetically, you may have to synthesize dynamically. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!