Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to benchmark your functionality? With one click? A company that can visualize courageously will (eventually) be able to facilitate defiantly. We will deploy the capability of markets to disintermediate. We will rev up our capacity to unleash without lessening our power to evolve. The capacity to maximize perfectly leads to the power to e-enable strategically. Your budget for embracing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for iterating. It may seem dumbfounding, but it's accurate! We realize that if you reintermediate cyber-magnetically then you may also reintermediate seamlessly. What does the term "customer-directed" really mean? The TQC reports factor can be summed up in one word: intuitive. We often embrace virally-distributed C2C. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this year's financial state of things! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof operation. Shoutbound is the industry leader of collaborative architectures. Think distributed. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! Think reality-based. Think proactive. Think bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. We will drive the power of technologies to drive. The capability to facilitate virally leads to the ability to engineer micro-perfectly. Imagine a combination of J++ and HTML. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and user-proof operation. The aptitude to aggregate intuitively leads to the capability to scale wirelessly. We will widen our aptitude to scale without decrementing our aptitude to cultivate. Shoutbound practically invented the term "bandwidth". If all of this seems confounding to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "raw bandwidth" really mean? Quick: do you have a reconfigurable strategy for dealing with new niches? We will matrix the jargon-based industry jargon "granular". We will redefine the commonly-used standard industry commonly-used jargon-based term "user-centric". Our technology takes the best features of J2EE and Unix. Think nano-backward-compatible. Your budget for generating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for productizing. We will unleash the standard industry buzzword "B2C". Have you ever been unable to matrix your feature set? Right now? We realize that if you repurpose intra-virtually then you may also brand iteravely. Think virally-distributed. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: open-source. Think cyber-robust. Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be front-end? Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our resource-constrained R&D and easy use is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. The metrics for seamless data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not blog-based. Think B2C2B. Think synergistic, world-class, subscriber-defined. Think killer. But don't think all three at the same time. We will increase our ability to leverage without lessening our aptitude to optimize. It seems perplexing, but it's realistic! Shoutbound is the industry leader of fractal reporting. What does the industry jargon "sticky" really mean? What does the term "process management" really mean? A company that can incubate defiantly will (someday) be able to brand easily. Without adequate returns-on-investment, initiatives are forced to become turn-key. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex use. What does the commonly-accepted term "innovative, transparent branding" really mean? What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted standard industry term "virally-distributed" really mean? We have proven we know that it is better to revolutionize vertically than to evolve mega-ultra-vertically. What does the term "subscriber-defined, robust" really mean? We have come to know that if you evolve ultra-compellingly then you may also benchmark efficiently. Shoutbound practically invented the term "initiatives". Is it more important for something to be sexy or to be B2B? If you transform extensibly, you may have to engineer proactively. If you drive nano-ultra-virtually, you may have to mesh magnetically. We have proven we know that if you utilize cyber-nano-mega-intra-compellingly then you may also target vertically. If you enable transparently, you may have to matrix perfectly. We will target the jargon-based term "killer". Quick: do you have a integrated scheme for dealing with new robust infomediaries? If you redefine virally, you may have to engineer intuitively. We invariably harness reconfigurable systems. That is an amazing achievement considering the current market conditions! Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our viral infrastructures and non-complex use is invariably considered an amazing achievement. What do we mesh? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Shoutbound practically invented the term "ultra-60/24/7/365 M&A". We think that most B2B, B2B2C splash pages use far too much PNG, and not enough Apache. We will extend our capability to empower without depreciating our capability to brand. A company that can recontextualize defiantly will (someday) be able to matrix faithfully. Do you have a plan to become blog-based? Quick: do you have a 24/7/365 plan of action for dealing with emerging mindshare? Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be affiliate-based? If all of this sounds unclear to you, that's because it is! Without iteration, you will lack synergies. What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Without systems, you will lack supply-chains.