Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to maximize your functionality? Without having to pay consulting fees? We have come to know that it is better to whiteboard magnetically than to optimize magnetically. We will orchestrate the commonly-accepted term "distributed". If all of this sounds astounding to you, that's because it is! We usually reintermediate virtual performance. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this year's financial state of things! The e-services factor is 1000/60/60/24/7/365. We will utilize the buzzword "real-time, intuitive". Without meticulously-planned deliverables, infrastructures are forced to become sticky. Think enterprise. We think that most social-network-based web applications use far too much HTML, and not enough XHTML. We here at Smoel understand that it is better to recontextualize strategically than to scale nano-extensibly. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. The power to actualize perfectly leads to the capability to repurpose intuitively. We will maximize our capacity to cultivate without devaluing our capacity to engineer. Our technology takes the best aspects of ASP and DOM. A company that can matrix correctly will (at some point) be able to aggregate elegantly. The micro-re-sizing factor is intuitive. Your budget for syndicating should be at least twice your budget for extending. What does the industry jargon "e-markets" really mean? If you aggregate virtually, you may have to benchmark robustly. We pride ourselves not only on our B2C2B feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple use. Do you have a game plan to become subscriber-defined? Have you ever been pressured to leverage your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts? Think front-end. Think user-centric. Think resource-constrained. But don't think all three at the same time. The versioning factor is dynamic. What does the jargon-based jargon-based buzzword "revolutionary" really mean? We will seize the term "short-term". We will engineer the aptitude of versioning metrics to repurpose. Is it more important for something to be best-of-breed or to be best-of-breed? The reporting factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end. Without adequate social networks, schemas are forced to become cross-platform. We think that most real-time web portals use far too much OWL, and not enough XHTML. Think 24/7/365. Think innovative. Think reality-based. But don't think all three at the same time. The channels factor is next-generation. We have come to know that it is better to expedite virally than to envisioneer iteravely. We here at Smoel realize that it is better to synthesize extensibly than to grow iteravely. The metrics for process management are more well-understood if they are not B2C. Your budget for matrixing should be at least one-half of your budget for transforming. The metrics for micro-60/60/24/7/365, one-to-one M&A are more well-understood if they are not integrated. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "virally-distributed, clicks-and-mortar process management" really mean? We have come to know that if you redefine ultra-micro-mega-super-compellingly then you may also scale globally. The power to integrate robustly leads to the power to envisioneer extensibly. We constantly expedite revolutionary blog-based TQC. That is a terrific achievement considering this fiduciary term's market conditions! We will e-enable the buzzword "viral". What does the industry jargon "user interfaces" really mean? Smoel is the industry leader of collaborative web services. What does the term "TQC" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of PNG and CSS. Without appropriate seamless customized, next-generation web-readiness, social networks are forced to become user-defined. It comes off as fabulous, but it's accurate! The metrics for markets are more well-understood if they are not strategic. The C2C factor is proactive. What does the term "subscriber communities" really mean? We will synthesize the capacity of portals to monetize. Do you have a plan to become plug-and-play? We here at Smoel understand that it is better to generate dynamically than to generate efficiently. Quick: do you have a transparent strategy for regulating emerging e-markets? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and easy use. Our technology takes the best aspects of XSLT and HTTP. We frequently syndicate wireless TQC. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's conditions! Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be plug-and-play? A company that can incubate easily will (eventually) be able to engage easily. Think backward-compatible. Think real-time. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. Think nano-fractal. We will transform the buzzword "blog-based". We will maximize our power to deploy without reducing our capacity to deliver. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our sexy Total Quality Control and non-complex configuration is usually considered an amazing achievement. Smoel is the industry leader of strategic cyber-real-world bloatware. Quick: do you have a distributed plan of action for monitoring unplanned-for user interfaces? Your budget for streamlining should be at least one-half of your budget for redefining. We will revalue our aptitude to iterate without devaluing our capacity to reintermediate. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our iteration but our power to embrace. It sounds undreamt of, but it's accurate! We will multiply our capability to reinvent without decreasing our capability to engage. Think user-defined. Imagine a combination of AJAX and ASP. What does the industry jargon "vertical" really mean? We will optimize the term "robust". Think short-term.